Hi everyone! Could you please read these essays? Thanks in advance.
1. Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook.
They say humans are 65% Oxygen, 18% Carbon, 10% Hydrogen and 3% Nitrogen. My life is composed like a human. 65% of it is school and homework, 18% is extracurricular activities, 10% is family time, 3% is eating, and the other 4% is everything else. Of my day, my favorite portion is eating. I have been a pure vegetarian since I was born. I tried meat, but it was disgusting! My favorite dinner any night is kidney beans and rice, which we call "Rajma Chawal." Just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Made with the perfect spiciness, the softest kidney beans and awonderful sauce, it is a delicacy. Most people assume this to be curry! Indian curry is made from curry powder, water and eggs. That is the one food I really dislike!
Sometimes I am bothered by my vegetarianism. It would be really hard to travel to eastern countries and find a restaurant with vegetarian entrïes. Those countries have fish as their primary food source, but little vegetarian options. When I go to a restaurant, I have to order from two to three options where as everyone else can order from the whole menu. But there are benefits to my vegetarianism. Most herbivores have a longer life expectancy than carnivores. That means, I can continue eating Rajma Chawal for years to come!
I never limit myself, even though I am a vegetarian. I try new things, especially food. That is how I expand my horizons, especially food.
2. Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood, or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
Most people wake up to alarm clocks in the morning; as a child, I woke up to my neighbors hitting a gong. I woke up to that noise every morning for the five years I lived on my farm in India. It was not the typical farm most people would think of. The only livestock we had was cows. A nearby village supplied labor for the plant that my grandfather founded: Bhatia Quality Seeds. I walked to his office everyday to see him, and usually went off on a tangent along the way. The snake infested mango orchard was my favorite digression. Though most of the time, I would go half way in, and then run out, if fear of snakes. It had the most delicious mangoes anyone could find. That fact that they grew on our farm made it more special. My favorite memories of my childhood are of the digressions I took to go to the plant.
This adventurous past shaped my present and will shape my future. Growing up I was more adventurous than most of my friends. I explored forests, while there would be in the park playing. Living on a farm, I received the perspective of a small town boy. Even though I live in a large city, I still hold the values of exploration of that little child in the orchard. I now aspire to explore engineering at Tufts University.
THANK YOU FOR READING. :) It means a lot.
I like your essay a lot, because they were about food. But in your first essay, you might want to change this sentence: "Made with the perfect spiciness, the softest kidney beans and awonderful sauce, it is a delicacy." It starts off with a past tense verb and changes to the present tense with "it is a delicacy." Either change it to be all past or all present. You might also want to fix "perfect spiciness" because it doesn't sound correct, you could say perfect blend of spices or spice blend.
Also you might want to limit the amount of time you use "especially food" in your last two sentences. I think one should be the limit
For the second essay, it seems a bit off for me. Its not the concept but rather how you word it.
The only livestock we had were cows.
I think even though you only used "digression" twice, it seems overused.
halfway is one word.
You really did not talk about your friends, so I did not get why you would be more adventurous than them. The exploring the forest while they played in park wasn't really enough for me but that might just be me.
I'd change "orchard" to farm in your second to last sentence.
