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"Don't hurt people" ; Civil & Environmental Engineering at CMU


kaioulunar 2 / 10  
Nov 16, 2011   #1
Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

Don't hurt people. Those are the words my inquiry science and biology II teacher constantly repeats to us throughout the year. While he taught us of natural gas drilling, alternative energy, pollution and other environmental issues that are plaguing our generation, my interest piqued. My interest grew with the depth of my studies. First I learned what exactly gas drilling was, then how it effected the community who was experiencing it and why. When I watched the documentary "Gas Land" in class I became devastated. To see how the gas drilling destroyed the lives of families and farms, all completely legal, bothered me. As the year went on, I learned of other incidents. This year, the Fukushima Daini Nuclear Power plant experienced a meltdown after the tsunami that followed an earthquake. Radiation spread as far as Romania, and the amount of life that was ruined or effected by it is immeasureable. Still, despite this catastrophic event, nuclear power plants continue to operate. I knew these issue were not something local, but rather a larger problem that extendend around the world and had the power to greatly affect our econonmy, government, and daily lives. I was at a loss for why such things were allowed to happen. I am not against natural gas drilling, or nuclear power, but I simply think that if we are to do it, we should do it right. If people are suffering because of the current procedures, I believe they should be revised. These injustices have inspired me to become someone who has the potential bring about some change. These are the reasons I will become a civil and environmental engineer.

I first heard of Carnegie Mellon University when I came to visit on a Women's Engineering Day field trip. That day, I explored the campus, the different departments of engineering and after talking to a few students I realized how passionate they were about their education. I discovered that Carnegie Mellon's high ranking for civil and environmental engineering coupled with the fact that small class sizes, state of the art facilities, ambitious and determined students are all enclosed in a beautfiul campus nestled inside of Pittsburgh defines my ideal university. Additionally, I plan to take part in the Carnegie Institute of Technology's organizations and opportunities like the Society of Women Engineers (SWE) and environmental engineering minor. I strongly support the Society of Women Engineers and would gladly help to encourage young women to pursue engineering. I would like to join the Kiltie Band. Marching band in high school gave me some of the best experiences and I have heard that the Kiltie band at Carnegie Mellon is full of students who really enjoy what they do. I have learned that the faculty at Carnegie Mellon encourages and nurtures its students as to create a unique learning environment. Considering the many opportunities and challenges Carnegie Mellon University provides, I know I will be at the forefront of the civil engineering field, allowing me to solve problems that will help people and change lives.

I'm not sure if I should talk about the programs that I've done like Eco Challenge or a Green Design apprenticeship (that was at CMU) and a few other things. I'm applying early decision so I need this done soon please.<3

And be as critical as needed.~
shirley94 1 / 1  
Nov 16, 2011   #2
"effected" should be changed to affected. Also, this sentence sounds a bit awkward: "I first learned what exactly gas drilling was and how it effected the community who was experiencing it and why." Maybe re-wording it would make it stronger. Other than that, this is a very well written essay with great details :)
qrhaggerty94 1 / 4  
Nov 16, 2011   #3
All the grammar that I would have pointed out has been pointed out.

So here are my thoughts on the essay:

-I liked it. It flowed really well.
-You talk a lot about the study habits/determination of students at the University... maybe try to focus more on YOUR academic history and how it fits with them. =)


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