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husband of my mother's friend - SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE Common Application Essay


mia01 2 / 4  
Nov 14, 2009   #1
Please edit and tell me your opinion! THANK YOU!

PROMPT: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

When I think about a person who has had significant influence on me, not much people come to my mind. Of course my mother and even my sister are some kind of role models for me and influence me with their actions.

But there is one person who influenced me strongly in the last few years: J, the husband of my mother's best friend. He is born in XXX, but holds the U.S. citizenship.

J impresses me with his unbelievable stories, I love to listen to. The story when he moves to the US I like most is: It was in 1980 when he came to America with his family, planning to build a company. But at the same evening, he entered American ground, his business partner ran away with the whole IT equipment. But J did not even think about coming back to XXX after such a bad start, he attended university again and began to work for another company.

J shows me to give never up, being ambitious is more important than a lot of people think. There is always a spark of hope.

What J did with me is that he increased my bravery. He told me, if I want something, I have to do something for it. Those words always come in my mind connected to success.

Now J lives in XXX again, but he still works for a company in the US. J commutes between the two countries and is a master in coping with difficult problems.

J has endless love to give and due to the fact that my father has left our family in 1998 and had never tried to meet us again, J is like a father compensation for me. I call him Uncle.

He cares, delights, suffers and shares his life with me.

He taught me to give love, when I could rather hate. Achieving so much in life and being satisfied with the simplicity, is a wonderful and desirable goal. I have learned to admire the basic things in life, which are key figures and not being cheerless about not be able to afford superb things.

J definitely shows me, that nothing is impossible!
jindu85 6 / 20  
Nov 14, 2009   #2
I think the narrative part is a bit bleak. Maybe you could add more details to the description to make the story more vivid. "Show but not tell.", so maybe you could use stories to show out the ideas rather than just write his characteristics and add some details.

Anyway, I like the idea~
hera246 3 / 10  
Nov 14, 2009   #3
He was born in XXX....
J impresses me with his unbelievable stories, that I really enjoy listening...

The story when he moves to the US One of his stories that I like most is-

J shows me to give never up rather it could be 'J tells me to never give up, he thinks that being ambitious is more important than many people think it is'....

his business partner ran away with the whole entire IT equipment.

Now J lives in XXX again, (rather write how he moved to his previous place) but he still works for a company in the US. J commutes between the two countries and is a master in coping with difficult problems.

J definitely shows me made me learn/taught me, that nothing is impossible!

Give some more details...give strength to your points...


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