I'm still working on the first draft of my common app essay. I wanted to stray away from talking about how great mom and dad are so I decided to choose an atypical person. That way I'm hoping it'll stand out.
All critiques are welcome. Thanks! (no title yet...suggestions?)
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Ichigo is the antithesis of a person someone would think of as a role model nor is he the person that a sane college freshman applicant should even be writing about in her "commonapp" essay. In fact he is the lazy, immature, adult-hating renegade who neither has goals or aspirations. He exists in the "now" and lives life as if it was a prison sentence.
I met Ichigo in an unconventional way that may now be typical in this modern age- the internet, specifically a social-networking site. He was the "slightly-taller-than-me", tanned, and really handsome guy with layered, dyed orange, spiky hair- or at least that's what his display image depicted. He was the official "hot" guy of the site, like a school's "quarterback" with peppy "cheerleaders" flooding his comment box with shallow superficial praises. His real name I never really knew, but had an inkling of suspicion that he was a "Kevin" only later to be proven by his closest friends calling him "Kev". For some obscure, potentially otherworldly reason I've always had this tendency to befriend guys with the same first name. "Kevins" are guys whom I naturally gravitate towards and their similar eccentric characters have always intrigued me. It's like there is a cult out there breeding "Kevins" for my sake and here comes another one of their creations. And so it was not a surprise that Ichigo and I became friends.
It was an awkward friendship or rather acquaintanceship at first. We filled each other's comment boxes with our daily "hellos" and "how-are-you's" with each end receiving "I'm-fine-thank-you's", and "talk-to-you-later's". Despite our everyday casual downright boring exchanges, it felt that it was more of an obligation on both our parts. He never really stood out in my friends' list despite his good looks nor did it cross my mind to even think of him as someone special. He was Isaac Newton and I was Jane Austen. He was Frodo Baggins and I was Hermione Granger. He was Charlie Brown and I was Dora the Explorer. Our worlds never met and I never thought it ever would.
However, just as life gives out its occasional miracles, life decided to lay down its gavel and hand me down a sentence: I got to know this guy. Our brief routine casual interactions evolved into full-blown Dr. Phil sessions on Yahoo Messenger. He was the deranged guest and I was the psychiatrist, simply nodding with frequent "and-how-do-you-feel-about-that" added to my seemingly Confucian advices which were only met with a "one brow raised" emoticon. He irked me; although our "sessions" did bring to light the answers behind his enigmatic exterior.
Ichigo grew up in the districts of Manila, Philippines. Born to a negligent father and controlling mother, Ichigo claims to have never had a positive role model. This drove him to despising adults altogether. After his parents' separation, a custody battle never ensued considering his debtor father would not want him. His mother remarries without her son's consent and Ichigo found himself a stepfather imported straight from Japan. The only good thing that came out of that marriage was his half-sister. He loved her unconditionally and often dotes on her. Yet despite being a loving "onii-chan" Ichigo had the makings of a mad idealist, a Mustapha Mond. He envisioned the existence of an adult-free world and total independence at his grasps. He was not foolish, however. He knew the absurdity of it all yet I cannot help but feel that beyond those piercing gaze of green colored contacts are the eyes of a defeated boy whose only escape is behind the doors of his very own imagination. He was a costume player or "cosplayer" and I believe his very art became his own private getaway. I commend him for not turning to drugs or alcohol.
Despite his sob stories, I still view Ichigo as someone who is immature. He would taunt my mistakes and criticize every flaw of my psyche in what I call our Jerry Springer going-all-out sessions. He'd poke fun of my uptightness and commented that a paper clip has more personality than I do. I was already troubled by the difficulty of adjusting in American society in lieu of our immigration, yet Ichigo never fails to deliver the deathly blow. He was a natural in sarcasm that I can't help but become sarcastic in return. Despite all that, his ruthless criticisms aided in my speedy assimilation into American society. His sharp words were words of encouragement in disguise. He tore down my walls of pride; He disillusioned me. Before I realized it, Ichigo became my crutch. I got to know myself through him. Who knew that a good looking guy other than Jude Law could have such a profound impact on me? I guess he was more mature than me after all.
No matter how this adamant rebel would like to break free from the confines of an adult infested world, he was no Peter Pan. Ichigo decided to move back to Japan on the 8th of August 2009 and I lost touch with him ever since. We never said our "goodbyes"; there was no need. I once asked him what he thought about his future. He said with such dignified air, "No marriage. No children. No job." It disheartened me and threw all my hopes of him ever becoming like a normal "Kevin" that I was so used to. However, I felt that there was no better answer from this freedom-loving cynic. This was Ichigo after all.
In the end, although I would like to think of myself as mature and independent, Ichigo taught me that maturity is not gained through independence but is measured through one's courage of becoming dependent on others. He taught me that I have ways to go but with his barbs forever etched in my mind I know I'm on the right path.
As his name implies, Ichigo meaning "strawberry" in Japanese, he became my ultimate "sweet and sour" guy...my strawberry-flavored Dr. Phil.
He exists in the "now" and lives life as if it was a sentence.---> very interesting! But do you mean like a prison sentence or like a sentence on the page?
He was Charlie Brown and I was Dora the Explorer.----> Hey, you are a poet with potential, a real wordsmith. This kind of writing is something not everyone can do.
Although I agree with you that people named Kevin are excellent people, I think you start to wander unnecessarily when you begin talking about how you tend to befriend people with the same name. In fact, it is inherently unreasonable to say people named Kevin tend to be a certain way! For example, I am a terrible friend :-) ... but seriously, go back to your purpose: through this explanation of a person that influenced you, you should show a little about yourself, and focus on showing impressive qualities. What is the main theme of this essay? Identify the central idea, and then go back and cut out unnecessary details that do not help promote it.
Albeit Despite his sob stories, I still view Ichigo as someone who is immature.
