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"I have no idea what world I come from" - UC prompt #1...again


thomasobrien99 2 / 7  
Nov 26, 2008   #1
Hi, I notice a lot of people are having issues with the same prompt. Here is mine, and I am open to suggestions. I know that I am taking a risk with the more philosophical answer, but I am OK with that. Still, if you have comments regarding the content within the framework of the piece, it could be helpful. Thanks.

I have no idea what world I come from. I do not think that I ever have. Perhaps if I did I might be better able to better identify the world I am meant to impact. My search for a such an environment is what has been a defining influence in my life.

Ever since I have been truly aware of my own existence in an abstract sense, I have wondered of the memories of my life, but somehow I have never quite felt absorbed into a community. I have always felt somehow out-of-solution. I do not know, perhaps this is just part of being an introspective introvert, or simply part of human existence. Maybe everyone feels this way, but even if that is true, I cannot genuinely identify myself as being "from" somewhere, in a figurative sense.

I could write that I come from an intellectual community, or that I come from a place of real ideals and values, but I do not think that tells anything about who I am. And how could it, these places are not what has shaped my dreams and aspirations. Rather, it is the lack of belonging to a community that I believe has shaped me most.

Contrary to the saying, I view myself as an island. I see myself as isolated, with the world changing around me. Because of this apartness, I have been motivated to learn as much as possible; when I am the only constant in my life, the only way to move successfully into the future is through self-improvement. I have studied hard in my free time, particularly in the last few years, reading books with authors from Victor Frankl to Friedrich Nietzsche to Alan Watts.

My studies to this point and, as far as I can see, from this point forward have been aimed at finding a way to effectively stop moving with the general river of the populace, isolated yet pushed along like a stick in the water, and instead become part of the riverbed, shaping the world around me. It makes me cringe to quote a Hollywood movie in this context, but there is simply no better way to put it than the way that Frank Costello did in The Departed: "I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me."
hmirza 2 / 16  
Nov 26, 2008   #3
i don't know... i kinda like it. it is a little out there but hey you answer the question and you answer it differently. although one thing that worries me is its tone i mean even though you answer the question it kinda gives the vibe that you're antisocial "I view myself as an island" even though the point is to show who you are you also need to indirectly show them just why you will benefit them... or at least not convey that you're this anti social passive tolstoy kinda candidate

-if you have time please critique my prompts.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 26, 2008   #4
Good evening :)

At the beginning of the piece I wasn't so sure, but by the second paragraph I could see where you were going and really like the "reverse logic" feel of the piece. You definitely grab your audience's attention!

The only mechanical correction I would make is to make sure that you don't begin your sentences with "and."
Other than that, I really like this piece. It is unusual, but in a good sort of way!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP thomasobrien99 2 / 7  
Nov 26, 2008   #5
Thank you very much for taking the time!


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