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Idealist and guard - Notre Dame Supplement the difference in the world


JunieGe 1 / 4  
Dec 28, 2009   #1
Hey so I'm working on the Notre Dame supplement and need help. The prompt is as follows 1. The Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., President of the University of Notre Dame, said in his Inaugural Address that, "If we are afraid to be different from the world, how can we make a difference in the world?" In what way do you feel you are different from your peers, and how will this shape your contribution to the Notre Dame community? If anyone has any suggestions that would be great. I don't have an ending yet.

If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets you off and makes you different from every other living creature. - Bruce Barton

Though I usually pride myself on my abilities, I cannot help but agree with Barton. Personality = individuality. Therefore, allow me to introduce my attributes. First we have Witty and Sarcastic, two personal favorites of mine. Following down the list we see Philosophical and Perseverant, the two p's. I think we'll round up with the good ol' fallbacks, Outgoing, Quirky, and Intellectual. These all sound lovely right? But I have one quality that is both compelling and tiresome, Perfectionism. It's a distinct difference between me and others because I allow mine to govern my life.

From a very young age, I have been an idealist. I've grown up hearing that I could change the world if I took control of my own life- and I honestly believed them. I carried this message throughout my childhood and into my adolescence. Today, I become obsessive over the little things. I insist on keeping my papers in chronological order; one paper missing is a reason for sending out the National Coast Guard. I maintain my grades with a scrutiny that would make military leaders proud. And God forbid someone should disrupt any component of my strict order; that's a deadly risk for both us. And through this all, there emerges the illusion of control. These demands are ridiculous, and I readily admit this. But I am a perfectionist, and revel in the sense of control they give me.

As far as I'm concerned, I would have remained in this idealistic state were it not been for the depressing world of college applications. Needless to say, I was completely overwhelmed. I didn't know how many applications to submit, which essay topics to write on, or even how to go about talking about myself. In fact, these feelings of anxiety followed me into my sleep as I dreamt of running away from the Get into Any College: Secrets of Harvard Students 3rd Edition.

Nonetheless, as I entered the realm of community service hours and SAT scores I realized my power over my acceptances was void. All my worrying and stress was a pointless outflow of energy and time. In the end, things would work themselves out, without my obsession of trying to control the outcomes.

My determination to be perfect has led to many self realizations which will carry with me to Notre Dame. Bringing in these experiences will offer diversity to Notre Dame as I So many students strive to be the epitome of excellence and slave over this ideal. However, through my own endeavors I have come to know we as humans are flawed, not faultless. At Notre Dame, I can encourage students to search for that sense of accomplishment through substantial goals. Perform activities to the best of your abilities, but realize that our control has limits.

Perfection is merely a word.

magicdazn 1 / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #2
I would not recommend writing = on your essay.

Writing out the world equals, or using other words alike should be much better.

I would recommend:

Personality begets individuality.

And I would structure like this:
Though I usually pride myself on my abilities, I cannot help but agree with Barton.

Personality begets individuality. (a separate paragraph)

Allow me to introduce my attributes. First we have Witty and Sarcastic, two personal favorites of mine. ...
OP JunieGe 1 / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #3
thank you, that's very helpful. any more suggestions?
TC3 4 / 37  
Dec 29, 2009   #4
first, thank you forreading my essay!

i thoughtyour essay was pretty well-written and the beginnning def is a quick way to tellmore about urself and your personality. i got confused in the end though. what other self-realizations did you experience besides knowing thatyou dont have to be perfect? i would also say that u doa little too much telling and need more showing


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