Prompt:Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.
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Dear Roomie,
As an Indian boy, I am very easy to stereotype, but you will soon discover that I have unique peculiarities which are accentuated by my hobbies.
I may come off as a shy person at first, but we will become friends soon enough. I may smile and nod a lot at first, but that's not me being creepy, I'm just nervous. You may often find me staring out the window, lost in my own thoughts, thinking about anything from the blades of grass on the ground to the mechanics of the lawn mower mowing it. In my opinion, time spent thinking is not idle time, but rather an opportunity to appreciate the world's simplicity and at the same time its complexity.
We could be walking to our next class together, and suddenly I'll start a random conversation on what we should have for lunch or I'll go nerd mode and try to measure the velocity and acceleration of our motion. I may even point out random patterns and designs in nature and this is probably why I find palindromes amusing. But in all seriousness, when it's time to hit the books I'm completely focused and I can work all night if I need to. I am determined to fulfill my dreams and aspirations, but it's all right if we have some fun from time to time
All things said, I am a very happy person. I've learned to look past failures and obstacles and rather focus on the bright side of things. This sense of optimism has helped stay focused on achieving my goals. And if you're completely different and we have nothing in common, rest assured we will find something because I am always up for new experiences. I hope that we will become good friends and maybe even stay that way for the rest of our lives.
Yours truly,
<<Insert Name>>
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CONCERNS
- Is it good and does it talk about my personality?
- Should I get rid of the first paragraph to reduce the word count? I'm 64 words over so I kinda need help on word count .
- I added a bit on school, but should I talk more about my goals of engineering, physics, and etc.?
- Should I talk more about my intrests like Soccer, Video Games, Movies, and etc.
Thanks a lot :)
Overall, it's well organized... I like some of the random quirkiness. (palindrome.. etc.)
Yes, idt the 1st paragraph is necessary.
No-- don't add more stuff about school.
I think you should emphasize on what you think you'll be expected to "do" around stanford.
The whole point of this essay is to show what is NOT in your activity CA or your other profile questions. I think for this one, it's best to focus on the quirks and weird things that you find fascinating.
:)
I think that the "As an Indian boy" part doesn't really connect to anything. You just mention it and totally talk about something else.
I really like the last paragraph and how you say that you are open to new experiences, because that is what college is all about.
And I do think you could cut the first paragraph out and maybe replace it with some more interesting information about your hobbies. Overall, it is creative and interesting.
Please check out my essay too!
Thanks
I agree. Good essay but the first paragraph is not neccessary
Is this a better intro. I want to keep the first few sentences, but I like the part about me staring out the window, since I do that a lot, but I don't know how to simplify it. Thanks again :)
I may come off as a shy person at first, but we will become friends soon enough. I may smile and nod a lot at first, but that's not me being creepy, I'm just nervous. You may often find me staring out the window, lost in my own thoughts, because in my opinion, time spent thinking is not idle time, but rather an opportunity to appreciate the world's simplicity and at the same time its complexity. (18 words too many)
or...I just got this idea btw...
I may come off as a shy person at first, but we will become friends soon enough. I may smile and nod a lot at first, but that's not me being creepy, I'm just nervous. You may often find me staring out the window, lost in my own thoughts, because in my opinion, time spent thinking is not idle time, but rather time well spent. (7 words too many)
PLZ anyone??? The deadline is tommorow! :(
Should I add the sentence in bold??? HELP?!?!
Dear Roomie,
I may come off as a shy person at first, but we will become friends soon enough. I may smile and nod a lot at first, but that's not me being creepy, I'm just nervous. You may often find me staring out the window, lost in my own thoughts, because in my opinion, time spent thinking is not idle time, but rather time well spent.
We could be walking to our next class together, and I'll start a random conversation on what we should have for lunch or I'll go nerd mode and try to measure the velocity and acceleration of our motion. I may even point out random patterns and designs in nature and this is probably why I find palindromes amusing. But in all seriousness, when it's time to hit the books I'm completely focused and I can work all night if I need to. And if you need help, don't hesitate to ask me, even if it's in the middle of the night. I am determined to fulfill my dreams and aspirations, but it's all right if we have some fun from time to time.
All said, I am a very happy person. I've learned to look past failures and obstacles and rather focus on the bright side of things. This sense of optimism has helped stay focused on achieving my goals. And if you're completely different and we have nothing in common, rest assured we will find something because I am always up for new experiences. I hope that we will become good friends and maybe even stay that way for the rest of our lives.
Yours truly,
Sudhakar
BUMP?!?!?!
Should I talk more about my intrests like Soccer, Video Games, Movies, and etc.
Nah, an essay or even a series of essays on an application should have a unifying theme. That theme is an idea you want to really immerse the reader in. No distractions. Your theme should be about your plan for college.
This part is not helpful:
We could be walking to our next class together, and I'll start a random conversation on what we should have for lunch ...
How about cutting right to this: We could be walking to our next class together, and I'll
start a random conversation on what we should have for lunch or I'll go nerd mode...
Awesome, you did a good job with this. I'm sorry I did not see it before the deadline! :-)
