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No More What-ifs. Commonapp Essay


hakuryuu 1 / -  
Jan 2, 2021   #1
The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? or Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

I have written about how my family situations taught me to become the person I am now. It is exactly 650 words.

No More What-ifs


"Bye...Bye" said my dad, and he left.

It was raining cats and dogs as I stared outside from the veranda. It seemed as if the weather, too, was as worried as I am.

"Knock!! Knock!!"

A woman in her 30s with an umbrella, standing in front of our house calling Navaraj...Navaraj. My dad, startled by her arrival, rushed down from the second floor of the house and I was shocked to shiver. Now, my suspicions had transformed into reality, and worse, I didn't know that "she" was PREGNANT.

I was in 10th grade when I first became suspicious about my dad's affair. I had overheard my dad on a call saying "I cannot come there this year to celebrate Dashain with you." I wondered for days who that 'you' was and if that had something to with my dad not coming to our village with us last year.

Now, the lady stood in our front door asking for her rights. My mom, heartbroken, couldn't even utter a sound. Clueless, my sisters just sat there. It was the first time I saw my mom weeping. My father, who didn't know what to do, just sat on the bed while the lady waited. Amidst the cries and confusion, I being the eldest child, knew that I need to do something. Without thinking, I searched for my father's wallet. As I handed it to him, I said, "Dad, please go & sort things out." He reluctantly stood up and said "Bye...Bye" then left.

Until now, we had a secure life. My mom had invested all her time taking care of us so we could excel in school and beyond while my dad ran a shop that supplied cement. It all fell apart that evening.

To my sheer surprise the next day, my mom appeared cheerful. Then, I quickly realized she just wanted us not to be sad. Nonetheless, I understood how sad she was. I wanted to cry, but "Sajan, you need to be strong. Your family needs you," said my mind. This kept me going, and made me work even harder. Now, I had to be the backbone of our house. I began tutoring my sister and then my neighbors' children for financial support.

In Nepal, affairs and single parenting are looked down upon. I felt no one would understand my struggle and so I never spoke to anyone about it except my math teacher. It was the week before my board examination when my math teacher called me in and asked what was wrong. At first, I was too embarrassed to ask for help but after a week of giving up due to my what-ifs, I finally mustered the courage to explain.

Looking back, I realize how lucky I was to have him as my teacher. Had I given in to the "what-ifs", I would never have had his support, and would not be who I am today. Two years have passed since and I thank my younger self for embracing the challenges as an opportunity for self-improvement.

I learned from my family situation to be strong, reach out to people, and get involved. Whether sitting in the park, joining different clubs or participating in Olympiads and competitions, I look to form and develop intentional relationships with people. Currently, I am forming connections with international students who participated in the International Olympiad GeCAA. This will always be the case, with even more amazing people.

Finally, exploring various things without any hesitations and getting to know people whom I can't imagine not knowing, I never want to hold back myself with my limitations and what-ifs. Rather, I want to conquer them and explore further. With my mindset to grow and learn without any what-ifs, I do not fear the challenges ahead. I know I will emerge stronger and I believe the best is yet to come. Bye...bye what-ifs.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,511 3437  
Jan 2, 2021   #2
Neither prompt you have chosen applies to this essay. The focus of the essay is on your family alone. You are an afterthought in the presentation. It does not accomplish the task that you have chosen it for. This will not even work as an open topic essay because the discussion splits into 2 towards the end. It went from a focus on a family scandal, to "what-ifs" that fail to connect the previous discussion with the later part and the conclusion. The scandal should be summarized and its effects on you, should become the detailed discussion. Only after you have revised this essay to apply to one of the 2 prompts that you have chosen, can you say that you have written a related response statement. Unfortunately, I cannot choose the prompt for you. That is a personal choice I have nothing to do with.


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