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Illegal. Undocumented. Invisible. Vulnerable. I am a DREAMER - Common App essay


michelle31 1 / -  
Nov 22, 2016   #1
The common app word count is 650 and i have 756 so I need help deleting some words please and thank you!

I AM A DREAMER ESSAY

I grew-up a person without a country-or so I was constantly told. Illegal. Undocumented. Invisible. Vulnerable. Recently-and thankfully-I have also been branded a "DREAMer." A DREAMer is a first generation undocumented immigrant student who was brought here as a child unaware of the legal implications of immigration. Being a DREAMer has challenged me to break all the stereotypes towards the undocumented, made me an independent person, and given me motivation.

I now have temporary "legal" permission to be here under a soon-expiring executive order of the President. "Here" is the only place I have ever known and have called home for fifteen years. For the first thirteen years I had absolutely nothing, not even a temporary permission. Growing up, on most days I would wake up to the sounds of my parents leaving for work at three in the morning. The lights were so bright and my brother would hold me tighter: after my parents left, it would just be me, him, and my grandmother for a long while. I would not get to see my mother until after six and my father until after nine, that night. The days were spent under my grandmother's rules. As I grew up, I thought that these things would never change. My eyes would still open as my parents left before the birds started to chirp.

Being a DREAMer has challenged me to break all the stereotypes placed on first generation immigrant students. These stereotypes were implied by my classmates, and I took notice on how they would treat me. I would have to go to school and hear words of hate towards me, or towards my friends, because of the color of our skin, our accents, or even just because we identified with Mexican. Though untrue, I faced stereotypes daily. My family always made sure I never looked down on my culture, and I shattered these stereotypes by becoming a part of Honors classes and taking AP courses. Others soon began to see that I was very smart, though I still have an accent. Going to college is incredibly important to me and to my family.

Academics was also challenging because my parents could not help at all: they had barely finished school in Mexico and did not understand English. Most of my non-Hispanic classmates could go home and receive help from their parents, who at least could speak English. At times, completing my homework was impossible, and I would sit and cry while my parents just held me, torn because they could not help me. Even as a small child, I would have to talk to adults on behalf of my parents where English was a barrier. Translating bills and contracts for my parents, and not knowing what some words meant yet acquired a command of English, disturbed me. In my home, even as a pre-teen, I was the one who knew most. I thus became very independent. This has helped me become a better student. If I need help, I will consult a teacher and not be afraid that I cannot speak for myself. I am now happy to help others as well, and to translate for them. I feel like I have finally found my own voice.

Overall, my motivation increased with the idea that I was now recognized as an actual person in the community I called home. I had moments in my academics where grades were hard to keep up, but I made sure to keep going and give my absolute best until the end. My motivation has only increased with time. Having faced struggles that few experience has made me want to continue my studies and further help others. I want to encourage those who, like me, have felt unwanted in their own community.

I have many goals yet to achieve, and attending a college is the first step in what I know will be a long journey. My early childhood experience and my later identification with the DREAMers has not only taught me how to better fit-in, but has also given me a purpose. Breaking long-held beliefs about who undocumented students are feels like an accomplishment in and of itself, and has made me strong and more determined to achieve my aspirations. I have learned to persevere in difficult times, and to focus on the future. I now understand that rather than being a hinderance, my culture is the biggest and best part of who I am, and it is what will define my future success both in college and beyond.
pacifyxer 1 / 4 1  
Nov 22, 2016   #2
I grew-up a person without a country-- or so I was constantly told.
... was brought here as a child unaware of the legal implications of immigration .
..., made me an independent person, and given me motivation.

I now have temporary "legal" permission ...
... I have ever known and have calledmy home for fifteen years. For the first thirteen years, I had absolutely nothing,...
Growing up , on most days I would wake up to the sounds of my parents leaving for work at three in the morning . The lights were so bright and my brother would hold me tighter: after my parents left, it would just be me, him, and my grandmother for a long while. I would not get to ...

... open as my parents left before the birds started to chirp .

... challenged me to break all the stereotypes placed ...
... go to school and hear words of hatehateful words towards me, or towards ...
...because we identified withas Mexican.
... I was very smart,though I still have an accent . Going to college is incredibly important to me and to my family.

Academics waswere also challenging because ...
... from their parents, who at least could speak English.
... because they could not helpme .
... I am now happy to help others as well, and to translate for them.

... give my absolute best until the end . My motivation has only increased with time. Having faced struggles...

I have many goals yet to achieve, and attending ...
... taught me how to better fit - in, but has ...
... feels like an accomplishment in and of itself, and has made me strong and more determined ...
... rather than being a hindrance , my culture is the biggest ...

BLUE = remove

GREEN = replacement

[FINAL COPY--I know it said not to post the whole thing, but I don't know what else to do. I'm not trying to do anything wrong. Word says it is 650 words exactly. I love the way you phrased things and I'm sorry to have to get rid of things, but it was very well-written]
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,356 3367  
Nov 22, 2016   #3
Michelle, I can sense the emotions that you have placed into developing this essay. You have laid yourself out on a limb here by telling your story in such an in-depth manner. I am worried though that you may be trying to present too much information in an essay that need not be so informative. A tendency to present too much information can and will always lead to an essay that is over the word limit. Therefore, I would like to know the actual parameters of the essay prompt that you are trying to respond to. Once I know specifically the type of prompt you are trying to relate to, I will be able to better assess which parts should be taken out, for the word requirement, and which parts should just be shortened or better presented in order to better deliver your prompt response. It is easy to make the essay more prompt adherent, provided we know what the requirements of your essay are. I hope you can post the prompt soon in order to allow us a chance to properly review and edit your essay with you.


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