'Illness with no cure' - Yale supplement: is this Yale quality?

Open ended Yale supplement 500 words or less.
Any suggestions for a title would also be appreciated.

My passion and fascination with biology run through my veins in every drop of blood. Why I suppose you would ask, do I, a young girl attending high school possess such strong feelings pertaining to one area of study. It is my hope that I can answer that for you.I'll start from the beginning.

When I was two and a half years old my father was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (Lou Gehrig's Disease). For the next three years I watched as my mother cared for my father. He changed from a strong, willful, independent man who would chase me around the house into a paralyzed, bed ridden man whose lungs finally gave out in November of 1999 ,one week after his 47th birthday.

Ever since I became old enough to understand exactly what had happened to my father in that he had passed away from an illness that had no cure, I began to try to raise money to benefit the research of cures for all types of muscular dystrophy. I held tag sales and bake sales to donate what then seemed a hefty sum to the Muscular Dystrophy Association. As I progressed through school I, like all the other kids in my grade, got an introduction to biology. Ths was a little window into what we would soon be studying in high school. It was immediately clear to me that biology was fun, entertaining even. For the first time I enjoyed studying and went out of my way to read my textbook. However, it didn't occur to me until I was in high school that the study of biology could lead to the cure for so many illnesses including the one that plagued my family ten years before.

In my biology class this year we are encouraged to pursue independent research to supplement what we learn in class. While I was exploring genetic mutations I learned that ALS was caused by a missence mutation in the SODI gene. I also found that scientists can direct certain types of neural stem cells to secrete a neuron-protecting protein that when implanted into rats can replicate without spreading the mutation. I then came across the mention of a new development made by Yale researchers involving the Lin28 gene and its roll in activating mRNA in cells to create protein that maintain stem cell function. I would be very interested in taking advantage of any research opportunities available to Yale students.

The research being done at Yale as well as the Yale Undergraduate Stem Cell Science Society are resources of which I would like t take advantage. Yale offers me the opportunity to pursue my dreams and excel in the field of biomedical research.

Hi! I think you have a very good content as it is very specific.
I don't think there is anything I can suggest much, but I think this essay would be even greater if you connect your last paragraph a bit more smoothly to the previous paragraph. And i think the conclusion could be made a bit stronger, too.

As for the title, i think if you revise your conclusion a bit to relate it to a particular topic, you may as well make a title out of it.

For example, if in the end, you mention about the particular disease that plagued ur family ten years ago or something, you could make a title out of it: "the Plague"? (maybe it sounds exaggerated). Or maybe something simple is fine, too i guess. This is just an idea that you could probably work on =)

Other than that, it is nicely done.
I hope this helps!

Please take a look at my "giving back to your country essay"
thank you!
=)