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Imagine you are in a waiting room for seeing a doctor. Describe the waiting room and people (nurses,

Henrylheng 1 / 1  
Oct 2, 2016   #1
Once I've got a really heavy cold while I had to drag myself to go to a hospital nearby. I found a seat adjacent to a little girl who was all alone there and maybe she was 6 or 7 years old. She was fully dressed.

She held the registration card and some money tightly in her small hands without a word. She was breathing rapidly with a flushing face which just like a ripe red apple, what's more, she pierced a charming horn braid those all made her more attractive than others in this waiting room. There is no denying that she was absolutely strong-minded inwardly.

Whereas a little boy, maybe 5 or 6 years old, surrounded by 7 adults, who blubbering and shouting to his families sitting in front of us. The reason why the poor little boy shouting and crying is that he has been told he needs to take an injection. Apparently, his family couldn't cope with this tricky situation. Fortunately, an extremely gentle nurse, she was dressed in a white coat with a warm smile which like a fire in the winter shining bright light, she comforted the sobbing boy and she took out a lollipop to him. Ultimately, the little boy stopped crying and received the injection.
bismillah 15 / 29 1  
Oct 3, 2016   #2
hi friend i have some suggestions for you to make better essay in reading

OnceI have got a really heavy cold ...

which is just like a ripe red apple, (s+v+o)

what is more

do not use the link up word in academic essay ,it can lessen your point on it
i hope it can help you
Fitri12 28 / 53 6  
Oct 3, 2016   #3
Hi Henry... I like reading your writing... It has understandable flow as well.
It will be more fascinating if you utilize some transition words, linking phrases or subordinating conjunctions.

Thank you.
OP Henrylheng 1 / 1  
Oct 3, 2016   #4
Thank you so much for helping me to improve my essay!!!

Home / Undergraduate / Imagine you are in a waiting room for seeing a doctor. Describe the waiting room and people (nurses,