... imbued me with a drive to get out into the world to broaden my horizons and meet new people...

Please check for grammar or any other technical mistakes and please suggest any improvements if any, thank you :)
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. how has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

I have practically lived my whole life in the Fauji Fertilizer Company Township which is a small industrial community on the outskirts of a small city. Although growing up in a remote gated community has sheltered me from the rigors of city life, it has imbued me with a drive to get out into the world to broaden my horizons and meet new people.

My family means the world to me and I live every day to make my parents proud. My father has been an inspiring personality in my life. In 2001 he underwent kidney transplant surgery. From my father I have learnt that whenever life throws you a curve ball, face it with a smile on your face. My mother has taught me the importance of finding balance between school, friends and family.

My school is renowned for delivering academic excellence. All the teachers are very kind and supportive and the great thing is, all of them live in the locality, so you can visit them easily anytime you need help. What my school lacks in though is providing its students with the platforms to showcase their talents on national and international levels. Unfortunately that is why we haven't had any opportunity to participate in international Olympiads or any such competitions.

The world I come from has taught me to be hard working, perseverant and to always strive for excellence. It has made me realize that I alone am the master of my fate.

There is no need to mention your father's kidney transplant as it does not relate to anything about the way he influenced you as a person. Your essay should be focused on the overall effect of the community, your family, and your academics on the development of the person you are today. Try not to use cliche statements like


Rather, show us how you learned that you should face life challenges with a smile from your father. Then show us how your mother taught you about the importance of balancing things in your life. I also think that you should reconsider what you have now as your closing sentence.


is such a powerful statement to be making towards the end of the essay. The impact upon the reader is wasted. Please consider making this your opening sentence instead. I believe it will have the fullest effect on your written work once placed in that position.

I am grateful for your help. The thing is, the world limit is too short how can I write anything about these: "Rather, show us how you learned that you should face life challenges with a smile from your father. Then show us how your mother taught you about the importance of balancing things in your life"

I always tell the students not to worry about meeting the word count when they first start to write the essay. Make it as long and as informative as possible. It is easier to shorten an informative essay than to keep within a word count before all of the relevant thoughts are presented. I suggest that you revise the essay by responding to the instructions that I provided. Sure you will go over the word count when you do that. Don't worry, I will help you edit the essay content in response to the prompt and then I will help you bring the word count down as well :-) In order to properly edit and revise the paper, we need to have room to accomplish that task.