Additional work is required to further improve your essay prior to the proofreading for grammar and sentence structure issues. You said in your opening paragraph that you developed an immediate interest in UW-Madison after hearing about the university. Why is that? You need to mention specific information that proves how what you heard about the university influenced you when you first heard it.
My desire to go to the school rouse once I started researching and learning they have more than 60 research facilities and their chemical engineering program is one of the top ten in the nation- The admissions officer already knows about the facilities of their university and their course curriculum. You don't need to tell him that. Instead, inform him about other things that aroused your interest. For example, a shared interest in developing engineering advancements. This informs the reader about where your inclinations lie.
You mentioned being self taught in terms of science and engineering. Expand this discussion to include the methods by which you self studied and what you learned about your abilities as a student from that experience. This is an important part of the essay that deals with factors that might affect your academic accomplishments.
Chemical engineering is in my best interest, but Im furthermore interesting in theoretical chemistry. Since im really incline to explore about the development of natural bond orbital (NBO). I plan to establish on physical chemistry as my major if I were to be accepted in UW-Madison
- Further discuss this sentence by explaining how UW-Madison will be able to help you develop yourself further in these fields.
In your final paragraph related to academic interests, you mentioned having an interest in researching molecules. Does UW-Madison offer any research grants or internships with scientists that can help you get immersed in such research? Where does the university fit in this aspect of your studies? Always relate all your plans to the university and how their support can help you grow as a person or scientist.
Now, about your extra curricular activities. Unless you excel tremendously in swimming and have been a winning member of a swim club in the past, I would not discuss that portion anymore as it seems irrelevant and disconnected to the previous parts of your essay. Concentrate instead on your academic accomplishments or shortcomings in relation to your future as a student at the university.