1. Given your NYU campuses of interest - whether they are your primary and alternate home campuses of interest or where you would like to study away while you are a student - where, exactly, would you like to study at NYU - and why?
2. Whether you are undecided or you have a definitive plan of study in mind, what are your academic interests and how do you plan to explore them at NYU?
All students apply to universities in hopes of getting a high quality of education and, in the most simplified theory, to learn. The actual success of individuals depends on how they utilize the available resources and their compatibility with the environment. As a student, I personally wish to spend my college experience fulfilling my desire to learn in a manner that best suits me. In order to satisfy and extend my academic curiosities, it is necessary that I immerse myself in a community with a rich mix of individuals who contribute to both the intellectual and cultural aspects of their society. The main NYU campus in New York provides my desired community, as it is set in a large urban center, which creates fitting circumstances that reflect my self-motivated approach to education. Enabling me use this demographic to my advantage by exercising and proving my ability to stand out as an individual, while contributing to the collective. The city offers a unique set of resources, both in terms of education and career opportunities, which I would look forward to taking full advantage of. The international exposure at NYU is one of the greatest assets to the student population, as it allows for a more varied and multidimensional range of opinions and viewpoints to be considered among students. This is a highly important aspect of a learning environment, considering that I strive to surround myself with a diverse community of people, who share my eagerness to engage in discussion and consider numerous views, rather than choosing to passively learn by simply accumulating information.
Academically, I have always had a strong aptitude and passion for business, which is what lead to my interest in NYU, and more specifically the Leonard N. Stern School of Business. The mentality at Stern is equally inventive as it is collaborative, which is what I believe attributes to the success that its students achieve. The somewhat non-traditionalist aspects of a business school, such as Stern, are what would allow me to comprehensively explore the full range of my intellectual interests. The specific and unique courses offered at Stern would provide me with a deep and thorough education, and not merely a generic overview. Allowing me to explore a more extensive variety of interests, and discover new academic fascinations which I would not have otherwise had the opportunity to discover. The synergetic atmosphere at Stern is especially impressive as it is based in such a large and diverse location. The collaboration between such an expansive range of people in an extremely various environment is what motivates me to join this unified community. I hope to have the opportunity to indulge my academic curiosity in the programs at NYU, and look forward to contributing to this exceptional community.
any suggestions or comments would be appreciated :)
thanks
The first two sentences feel like a filler as they don't really have any connection with what you want to do. Let's put it this way, if you can cut out certain sentences or general statements and yet still have a coherent essay then it is better without those sentences in the first place.
In the first part for the NYU campus, you talked about the diverse community/student population/rich mix of individuals too many times. Condense that into one sentence and try to find a specific reference in NYU to back up your statements. Do some research at the website and etc. And please remember to show, don' tell. Talk about how past experiences may contribute to you being a good FIT for NYU.
You did mention Stern but you did not really give any specific examples about Stern. 'Specific and unique courses','non-traditionalist aspects', 'mentality' do not hold much weight if you can't pinpoint to what specific projects/courses/stuff that they have.
Try to be more specific and less general. Good luck!
