I was suppossed to evaluate a significant experience in my life and its affects on me.
I chose the hijab, or the head scarf Muslim women wear.
But I can't finish it! Any suggestions, edits, etc?
As an immigrant to the United States, I did my best to avoid anything that would potentially alienate me from my American peers. Naturally, I vehemently resisted my mother's efforts to teach me about my native Pakistani culture; however, eventually, the guilt became too overbearing and I conceded - I became a hijabi.
In retrospect, I find it oddly fascinating and ironic that the single most influential event in my life was sparked by a triangular piece of cloth, strategically wrapped to cover my hair, shoulders, and upper torso, otherwise known as the hijab. However, as I gazed at my middle school, frozen from pure terror as I imagined the response of my peers, that piece of cotton cloth reeked of imminent doom and estrangement from my classmates. Contrary to the jeers and slurs I anticipated, I received a plethora of confused looks and even more questions; however, everyone was surprisingly supportive and genuinely intrigued.
Before the hijab, I was extremely shy and reticent - I rarely uttered a word in class and only had one friend. However, that simple piece of cloth attracted large amounts of unwanted attention, and I had to learn how to handle the questions and all the fuss; as a result, I learned how to come out of my shell. I became more outgoing, outspoken, and assertive. I found myself talking to more people, initiating conversations, asking questions in class, etc. It was such a quick transformation and adaption that I was forced to make that I did not even realize it at the time - I was simply going with the flow.
Not only did the hijab instill confidence within me, it made more passionate. Most Muslim women make the choice to cover up as a testament of their faith and piety; however, my faith developed as a result of wearing the hijab. As a child, I shied away from Islam, much to the dismay of my mother. It held no importance to me - it was simply a nuisance for me to wake before sunrise to make a simple prayer and I absolutely detested learning how to read in Arabic. However, after being asked so many seemingly simple questions about my religion that I could not answer, I began researching Islam. I discovered what it meant to be a Muslim for the first time and I grew to love it - waking up early was no longer forced, fasting during the month of Ramadan was done with a smile, fastening the head scarf around my head was done with a purpose, etc.
It is rather quite astounding in all honesty at how much this physical piece of cloth spurred so many internal changes. However, it is said that good things come in small packages.
Now where should I take this essay?
Don't end with that "good tings come in small packages," because it weakens your essay. Your essay is very powerful, so I don't want it to be watered down by a cliche. Also, I think you should not use "etc." but instead:
...around my head was done with a purpose that was personal, and not patriarchal.
That would be an impressive way to say it, if that is part of what you are saying. I am so impressed by this; it really reflects a process of transformation, and growing wisdom. Your wisdom shows when you observe that the wearing of it caused you to have to become an expert. You seem so introspective! How about a great new sentence for the ending, and send it off confidently.
