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Immigrated to United States



felixb6 1 / -  
Jun 2, 2017   #1

US migrant from Dominicana



I immigrated to the United States from the Dominican Republic. Since then my life been full of limitation. As i grew up society has tried to hold back my potential impact in this world. My experiences led me to believe that battle's we face is what makes us strong, and makes us stand out to our full potential.

Many people come to the United States searching for a better future and trying to seek their dreams. During the time, many became heavily built while others become internally weak. However, in the face of some of life's greatest challenges those who remain strong persevere because they have no other choice. Being an immigrant is tough, but being undocumented is inadequate.

At a young age I came to the United States with my mother. As I grew up I lost my family, and a perfect life. I later on became hostile because I didn't feel the shield that they always provided me with. Although all that had changed. I have the fear of rejection, denied to the college that i'm encountering of applying. Not because of my financial problems or education disabilities, but the lack of a green card.

As a child, I always wanted to get out the area I live in. People don't want to see you win. The inhumanity in this world is so harsh, without the ability to do things because you're limited. Multiple things were either hard to gain or completely be denied to my family, because of the lack of a green card. As an undocumented immigrant, I don't have the chances to help out my mother financially. I can't have a job to help my mother to pay for my education and other expenses. Although we research for different scholarships options & one of the criteria was that we needed to be a U.S. citizen or have a green card.

My journey in the United states has been shaped by an undocumented child. I had became a strong young man. I learned to fight for the things that I desire which includes my educational goals & my future career. I always had struggle with the lack of help. The hope to provide medical needs and attention to the people. Since I started my 4th grade in elementary school, my dream is to become a doctor. I am passionate about becoming a doctor, for several reasons, cure, and save lives of children, women and elders on the streets. When i was about 8 years old, as i came out of school i was always excited to hear about my cousin. She was an amazing person. She had cancer. She never gave up on her dream. She always told me you could be her next savior. She motivated me to help the kids and adult with medical needs. She showed me how to never gave up on dream that i know i can achieve, because i came a long way and it's not time to give up and it never will. I will gain experience without having to worry about my knowledge of limitations. I have to tried to do programs, to become more advance by doing hand-on project but my illegal status had but a limit to what i can do. Furthermore, I have a sister name karly, she is a premature baby born in 2014. Seen the way doctors took care of her, and how baby fight for their lives, after coming to this world. Motivated to study in the field of medicine.

Despite the limitations of my illegal status, I still have high aspirations for my life beyond high school. I know that if I set my mind to something, I can achieve it. For example, after 15 years of not being available to meet my family, I was reunited with them. I haven't yet accomplished all of my goals, but reuniting with my family showed me that I can make the impossible, possible.

The traumatic experiences I have been through in this country left a scar in my heart, as I fight through this struggles, I still face them today. "All the obstacles that are put in front of you, are mission that you can accomplished". I always believed that the barrier we all face are mission that everyone knows you can push through. I learn how to never give up and if i can't make it, i will always find a new way to make it. My power is my determination to do something.

However, all my obstacles i faced led me to who i am today. I will be obtaining my high school diploma. I will earn a bachelor's degree at your university. This will help me achieve many more dreams and attend medical school. knowing the struggles around the world, i want to be available to establish clinics and nursing station world wide. I am hoping to meet the people at this university and have them by my side throughout my journey. Come with me to make a change in the world.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15415  
Jun 3, 2017   #2
Felix, this is a very confusing essay. I am not even sure what the point of it is because you are trying to discuss at least 3 different topics in a single essay. Have you written this in response to a college application prompt requirement? If you did, I wish that you had included the prompt in your post so that I could give you more definite and applicable advice regarding your paper. As of now, what I can tell you is that the paper lacks focus, contains numerous grammar problems (Make up your mind between past and present tense, you can't use both in the same sentence or paragraph), and does not really compel the reader to be touched by your story or intrigue the reader enough to continue reading it. There is a need to improve your opening statement in order to create a stronger paper. Tell us the topic for discussion and the point of the discussion in the opening statement so that we can give proper attention and consideration to the points that relate to your purpose for writing this essay. You basically need to revise this essay for content. Give the essay a purpose and discuss that purpose within the paragraphs. Settle on a single topic, one that applies the most to the prompt requirement, and discuss that topic with as much justifications as you can. This essay is just so confusing that I doubt it can be useful for a college application essay purpose.
maruko chan 2 / 4  
Jun 6, 2017   #3
@felixb6
many of them became become heavily built while the others ...
this sentence is hard to understand, but I suggest to change it as: " However, in the face of some of life's greatest challenges, they have no choice but remain to persevere strongly."

And honestly, I cannot read entire your essay because I do not understand your story. It seems to duplicate and confuse me. It is my personal opinion, please consider.


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