**Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.**
For about as long as I have been alive, the World Wide Web has been facilitating communication on an international scale. I am fortunate to have grown up as the Internet entered the mainstream consciousness, bringing about sweeping changes in society, culture, commerce, government, and many other institutions. The impact of the digital revolution spurred on by the Web and other new media technology has been diverse, extremely visible, and for me, inspirational.
The past decade gave rise to some of the most exciting innovations of the Information Age. Illicit peer-to-peer file sharing paved the way for digital music distribution, which contributed to a major restructuring of the music business and has given both major label and independent artists greater control over the way their creations are delivered. Internet media has been a major contributor to the decline of print journalism, causing newspapers like the New York Times to seek new ways to survive. Social media has become a powerful tool for political organization; for instance, it helped accelerate the recent revolution in Egypt and was a critical component of Barack Obama's 2008 presidential campaign. Observing history in the making has been an exciting experience.
I began to realize the significance of these developments around the time I started high school. Regularly reading blogs that cover the industry surrounding new media peaked my interest in digital journalism. In an effort to avoid being just another kid with a website, I reached out to major technology blogs like Mashable, and soon my writing was appearing on some of the Internet's most popular news outlets. This experience led to a fascination with technology startups and new media. I spent hours researching new technologies and products; communicating with the people involved whenever possible. My enthusiasm was, and still is, driven by a desire to understand the mark these companies are leaving on the world.
When it came time to apply to college it never occurred to me that there might be a field of study that encompassed all of the concepts that I enjoyed researching and analyzing. Instead, I attempted to find programs that covered some of these components. My decision to attend the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute was primarily based on the school's excellent reputation. As a polytechnic institute, Rensselaer's focus lies primarily within the areas of hard science and technology. Although these disciplines had appealed to me in the past, the prospect of obtaining a degree within them turned out to be less desirable than I anticipated.
Restricted by the available departments at RPI, I found myself drawn towards communication studies. I realized, almost immediately, that my hobby throughout high school was what much of communication in today's world is all about. The design courses within the Department of Language, Literature, and Communication at RPI are what intrigued me the most, but at other universities, I found programs that covered the same topics in new media that I had been independently involving myself with for years. As soon as I saw this, the path for my future became clearer, and I knew a change needed to be made.
In the time I've spent at Rensselaer, I have determined the characteristics that would make for a better environment in which to continue my education. First, the institution should have a broad communication program that would allow me to investigate the many facets of the subject including the history, cultural impact, global influence, and perception of media. Secondly, I would like a curriculum with a foundation in the liberal arts rather than more specialized and technical approach that is common at RPI. Finally, I need to be in a location that's vastly more vibrant and urban than Troy, NY. Not only would this make for a more enjoyable college experience, it would increase the number of internship and work opportunities available to me. Using these criteria, it was much easier for me to decide which schools make sense for me now, than it was when coming out of high school.
Wherever I end up attending next year, I'm looking forward to pursuing this long-standing passion of mine in a formal setting. Being surrounded by likeminded people and sharing ideas will surely aid in further defining my trajectory. Some day, I hope to be a greater part of this transformative force and producing amazing things of my own.
Nice opening paragraph!!
These are just a few examples of the impressionimpact new media has had on our world.
In an effort to avoid being just another kid with a website, I reached out to some of the major technology blogs like ...
I spent hours researching new technologies and products, communicating with the people involved whenever possible.
... the prospect of obtaining a degree within them turned out to be less desirable than I had anticipated.
As soon as I saw this, the path for the future became clear, and I knew a change needed to be made.
Secondly, I would like a curriculum with a foundation in the liberal arts rather than the more specialized and technical approach that is common at RPI.
Your essay is great, and I like the way you ended it. Good luck in school and have fun!
:)
Thanks for your input (and the confidence booster!)... I actually ended up submitting the essay already (the deadline was yesterday), and I made a few changes to this. I made the first sentence a little bit more interesting, rewrote the concluding sentence in the second paragraph, and added a sentence to the conclusion. I was afraid to look at this, but I'm glad you were so positive!
(Also, sorry about the thread titles thing... I was pretty tired when I put this on here, so I didn't really pay attention to the guidelines)
This essay has something excellent about it. I'm not just saying that to be nice; it has that energy of inspiration.
Now, when you try to enhance the thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph, or when you enhance the topic sentences, pretend that the reader will only read the first and last sentence of each paragraph. That means you have to express your whole idea in about 10 powerful sentences.
I would not want to change this too much, because I am afraid changing it too much would disrupt the great presentation you achieved with the inspired state of mind that you must have had while writing. However, I suggest this for bolstering the intro: Add a sentence to the end of the intro paragraph, and make it a sentence that sums up the main message of the whole essay.
You can also use a memorable word or phrase like "magic words" in order to share with the reader a particular concept -- your theme. What is one word that perfectly represents the attitude you are expressing in this essay? Use that word at the end of some of the paragraphs.
You are a great writer!
