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'The impact of a friend' - Texas Common App Essay Topic - A


3psilon 1 / 2  
Sep 25, 2012   #1
Texas Common App Topic - A - Write an essay about someone who has made a positive impact on your life and explanation on how and why this person is important to you.

Just three years ago my lifestyle was antipodal to what it is now. I lived the moment, lived reckless, and lived carefree of the future. However, this quickly changed upon meeting the friend that would alter the course of my arcane path. Her name was Tarannum. In my eyes, she was the epitome of a diligent worker; one who worked hard and deserved every grade she got. Whenever I was in proximity of her I could only feel the shamed of wasting talents that I never observed in myself.

One day in class after having our graded tests passed back out Tarannum peered at mine and asked " Why don't you study that hard more often? You could make good grades all the time!" having made an exceptionally good score on the test, I had no idea how to reply. Usually after getting a good test grade, I would just shrug it off and go through the rest of the school day anxiously pondering what activities were waiting for me outside of school. But being complemented by somebody so studious on a test was a whole different story. The complement evoked a feeling of satisfaction and the joy of knowing that I can in fact make good grades all the time. This incident marked the turning point from the analogous path that I had been living to a more purposeful one.

After knowing she had helped me become more diligent, Tarannum began asking me what I wanted to do as my career. Again, I had no idea how to answer. Probably because I hadn't really taken it into consideration, the only path that I had in mind before was being a pro skateboarder, but that just seemed like a joke compared to Tarannum's choice of being a pediatrician. When I told her that I had no idea what my plans for the future were, she was kindly eager to help. Tarannum helped me factor out what my strengths were and interests that I had. This steered me into the fascinating field of electrical engineering.

Tarannum's attitude was always optimistic and amiable. Whenever I was slumped by a low test score she would be there to help me back onto my feet and tell me to try harder next time. Whenever I didn't think I could make an "A" on a test, she was there to support me. Whenever I needed help on something I had no clue of, she was able to make an articulate explanation for me.

If I would have never met such a wonderful friend, my whereabouts would be most likely unknown and my talents would've gone to waste. But fortunately I did meet her. Having somebody to constantly look up to and who had set the precedent for success was an excellent way for me to strive for the right path towards a better future. Unfortunately, with a bad start during the first year of high school it was harder to achieve the goals I wanted, but eventually hard work and the support of a loyal friend helped me achieve these goals. Reflecting back on where I started to what I've become, I find it fascinating how one person can have such a powerful impact on your life. And despite a bad starting point, it's always possible to improve with the help of a friend. Tarannum once told me a quote that has always stuck with me since "It's not about where you start, but it's where you finish that counts."

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I feel like this essay is pretty bland , is it not? If so , how can I spice it up?
What can I do to make it better?
Full critiques welcome

Ananya2 - / 1  
Oct 5, 2012   #2
no,i don't think this essay is being needing any spice. I think it's full of spice. Thank you....
lklklk124 4 / 7 1  
Oct 6, 2012   #3
I lived the moment, lived recklessly reckless, and lived carefree of the future.
I could only feel the shamed of wasting talents that I never observed in myself. I'm not quite sure what you mean by this... Do you mean to say that you felt ashamed that you didn't see those talents in yourself? Or did you mean to say that your talents were wasted and because of that, you felt ashamed?

One day in class after having our graded tests passed back out Tarannum peered at mine and asked... Firstly, add a comma after asked. Also, when tests are handed back, they are usually graded so it seems a little wordy. Suggestion: One day, Tarannum peered at a test that was just handed back to me and asked, "....

somebody so studious on a test was a whole different story ... misplaced modifier. on a test should be after complemented.
find it fascinating how one person can have such a powerful impact on your life. Don't add your. It's about you so say something like "I find it fascinating how one person had such a powerful impact on my life."

stuck with me since "It's not about where you start, but it's where you finish that counts." (since:)

I think that this is a good essay overall but it's lacking in structural support. What I mean by that is that you often just describe a small event and then immediately follow it up with a lifechanging conclusion without actually giving any bridges in between. i.e. "But being complemented by somebody so studious on a test was a whole different story. The complement evoked a feeling of satisfaction and the joy of knowing that I can in fact make good grades all the time. This incident marked the turning point from the analogous path that I had been living to a more purposeful one." and "When I told her that I had no idea what my plans for the future were, she was kindly eager to help. Tarannum helped me factor out what my strengths were and interests that I had. This steered me into the fascinating field of electrical engineering."

Don't focus so much on the small specific conversations but rather the impact that they had.

Keep it up!


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