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'Imperfect, but inspiring' - Common App Essay


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Oct 7, 2012   #1
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

There's something about him that sets people on edge. He appears dangerous ï almost a perfect twin of Charles Manson ï with a strong stance and a wild mane of hair surrounding a face run with scars. His arms, as well, are scarred over thick muscle developed throughout years of manual labor. His hands are perpetually stained black from the oils and grease that he works with. His clothing is ragged. He always carries a knife in his pants' pocket, and sleeps with a shotgun under his bed. He goes about his business and doesn't mind going home to a pair of dogs in an otherwise empty house. Most of the time, he keeps to himself, giving him a mysterious air, further strengthening the menacing impression given off by his physique.

Although in appearance, he is the most frightening person I have ever known, he has had the most unbelievably profound impact on my life. Beyond his exterior, he is stronger and more determined than any other person I have ever met. It was him that taught me to never judge a person based on what they wear on the outside, but what is in their heart.

His name is Denny Allen.
Denny is approaching his sixtieth year now, and time has not been kind to him. He takes odd jobs wherever he can to make ends meet, mostly as a handyman or plumber. That sort of work is not gentle on the body. He is strong, but year after year, I see him become less and less capable. He can barely make ends meet with the work he does. His meals often consist of spaghetti and marinara sauce purchased at the local Dollar General, or else the meat from a deer he shot himself, because that is all he can afford. However, he is determined to keep pushing forward, even as his body begins to resist. He is too proud to accept help from friends or our government, because, in his eyes, that would mean he had given up. Through him, I have come to respect the true value of hard work. It is not necessarily about good grades or having a perfect life, it is about doing your absolute best to overcome those trials we all face. Every day, Denny shows the true meaning of dedication in that he does not quit, despite the fact that the circumstances are immeasurably hard for him.

Denny Allen, more so than anyone else, has been my inspiration, perhaps because of how imperfect he is. He has an immense capacity to work hard, but, like everyone, he has his flaws, and that's what makes him such an influence in my life. I want to be as dedicated as he is, in everything I do. When I struggle, I think about what he would do, and generally the answer is simple ï he would keep on working until he'd done the absolute best he could. He is the reason I am who I am today.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Oct 8, 2012   #2
Hi :) Your essay looks great to me! Let me make a few minor suggestions.

His arms, as well, are also scarred,overatop thick muscle, developed throughout years of manual labor.

His hands are perpetually stained black from the oils and grease that he works with.from his work.

Although in appearance, he appears to beis the most frightening person I have ever known, he has had the most unbelievably profound impact on my life.

It was him thatHe taught me to never judge a person based on what they wear on the outside, but instead by what is in their heart.

He is strong, but year after year, I see him gradually become less and less capable.

It is not necessarily about good grades or having a perfect life, it is about doing your absolute best to overcome the trials that we all face.
timobxsci 4 / 11  
Oct 19, 2012   #3
A big part of this essay is showing yourself. I don't see that until the last paragraph. The essay itself is great, very good read but I feel that you need to incorporate yourself more into the text.


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