Tell us more about ONE or TWO activities listed above that are most important to you. Please explain the role you played and what you learned in the process. You will be asked for a reference who can speak to your response. (maximum 350 words)
For this essay I talked about the importance of baseball to myself
For almost my entire life I have played baseball. Picking up a ball and bat for the first time when I was 2 turned out to be the greatest decision of my life to date.
When I attended tryouts for my first competitive baseball team, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions including jubilation when I was selected to play "rep" baseball. A decade later, I am still playing for the same team at the highest amateur level in Ontario (Elite) and largely with the same players. I've had many opportunities to play for different teams, some potentially more lucrative for my career, but each time I declined for one reason: my teammates. I never wanted to break the strong bond we formed.
Most competitive youth sports teams stay together for a year or two with players moving on to different teams or interests. But my team has stayed together for our entire youth baseball careers spanning 10+ years. I discovered what's most important to me are all my teammates. They have seen me learn and grow over the years, and each one of them has had a profound influence on shaping the person I am today. For this I am forever grateful.
My teammates are among my best teachers. They taught me respect. I now respect that everyone is different. While we are brothers, I respect we will likely all choose different paths. My teammates taught me teamwork. I now know that success does not simply rely on individual shoulders but instead on a full team who want to succeed just as badly as I do. If I fail I know one of them is always behind me ready to pick me up. My teammates taught me friendship. I now realize friendship extends far beyond on the field and well past nine innings. My teammates taught me leadership. I now strive to be the best I can be and act as a role model.
When we walk off the field together next summer for the last time, I will never forget how important my teammates are to me.
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I appreciate the introductory part of your writing. It was short and sweet - and yet, it was able to give relay a level of passion that is often sought after in these types of application materials. Keep this up!
To improve your writing, I do think that the latter parts of the essay should be compartmentalized still. For instance, while I think that the third paragraph was alright in giving out the specific experience that you had that shaped your perception of baseball, it was a bit excessive. I think you could have gotten away with merging the third and the fourth paragraph by cutting down on the irrelevant information found on the third. Just try your best to balance out your thoughts and opinions - and it should go a long way.
Aside from that, the concluding remarks or the manner in which you capped your essay by the end was also quite alright. You were specific and bold with your introduction, making it easier to discern the content.
Hi! I am also applying to UBC from Ontario and I wish you the best of luck!
You seem to have gotten the gist of what the question is asking of you but I would recommend expanding further upon change; how did your teammates teach you the things they taught you? I would also recommend working on your sentence structure in order to improve clarity, there were some sentences which I had to reread to understand, while on the other hand, much of your last paragraph feels choppy.