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The Importance of Education - What is important to you and why? - UBC Personal Profile

ng864 4 / 6 3  
Oct 16, 2019   #1
Thank you in advance for any help in fixing errors and suggestions for changes.

What is important to you? And why?

(maximum 250 words)

To me, education is important. Regardless of what I do in the future, the information I have learned and whatever I learn next will always be with me. My education is very important to me, as the information and skills I learn are very valuable to my future career, but the education of others is also important to me. Everyone benefits from a well-educated population and helping each other learn more leads us towards a better society. For this reason, in addition to the focus I have on my education, I have developed an eager willingness to assist those around me.

Alongside being a peer tutor in Digital Media Development 12, I strive to help fellow students around me in other classes as well as outside of school during other activities. Doing this has enabled me to grow as an individual as I learn about differences in people through working with them. This has benefitted me as I have developed into a person that can comprehend others and their individual needs. As the people I help come to see me as a role model they can rely on for help, I can see that I have made a positive impact on those around me. Seeing the success achieved by others as I work together with them towards achieving their goals has brought joy to myself. Furthermore, it has also allowed me to realize the importance of education not just for oneself, but also for others.

tandat 1 / 2  
Oct 17, 2019   #2
i think you should replace " to me" = "personally" or my point of view.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Oct 19, 2019   #3
Hi. Thanks for being in the forum once more. Please don't hesitate to come back if you have more questions and inquiries with regards your writing. We'll be more than happy to assist you!

Firstly, from the very beginning, it was quite clear how informal the writing is. Whenever you are writing academically, try to always compose your sentences with as much standardization as possible. For instance, the first paragraph can be revised to better suit what is being asked of you.

You can try to phrase it like this:
Education is a critical part in life. It allows us to learn essential knowledge that we will be able to carry over. These valuable skills should, therefore, be transferred to other people. Hence, educating others is a passion I patronize.

Notice how much more concise it is when you attempt to construct the introductory sentences in that regard. Keep this in mind at all costs when you are writing. Good luck.

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