My generation
I. use I whenever you can.
In my personal opinion, It is way too personal
definitely not
I read other people's essays, they were more like research papers, it seem dry but well written
you've read crappy essays then
I think mine is not well focused
hmm...it is well focused in that you've got a central theme: education, but you try to fit your entire life in such a tiny space that it seems all over the place.
The essay has some grammar errors which I won't bother to correct. Just get an English teacher.
Now, on your comment of whether it's too personal, I'd say that it's not personal enough. You've got a bunch of details on your life, but not what you think of them.
I was very fascinated with speaking English
It is this kind of personal thinking that you need. There's a bunch of stuff happening TO YOU, your parents supporting you, your friends supporting you...but not enough OF YOU, which is how you've reacted, what did you think of education, how do you view your parents' sacrifices, why were you all of a sudden interested in college.
Things to avoid:
The importance of education has a different meaning to different people.
Sure, different people have differen opinions of education. WHO CARES? This is your essay about you, and the reader wants to know you. Not other people, not your parents, not your friends. YOU. Therefore, I'd suggest that you completely devote the essay to your thoughts and your life. Sure, mention what your parents have done for you, but don't make that the bulk of your paragraph. Frankly, for every sentence you spend on your parents, you need 2 on your reaction and emotions.
Now, there are several ways to go about this prompt. My favorite is anecdotes. The most interesting fashion of answering to college prompts is to tell stories. What happened on the first day of school? What EVENT made you realize the importance of education? Was there 1 day that you saw your parents labor and simply wept because you were touched? Tell fragments of your life that led you to this epiphany.
College essays are supposed to be interesting to read; well written is only the prerequisite. A well written, but dry essay is worth less than nothing. If you really want to go to UT, tell your life story and make it real for the reader. There's no such thing as too personal. If you can make the reader life your life and at the end cry for you, you've gotten into UT.