PROMPT: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
HEY GUYS. I would like you guys to look over any grammatical, spelling and general mechanical errors, beware it is my first draft so take a deep breath before diving into this one haha (shouldn't be too bad though, I think). Also, I would like you guys to tell me if I stay on topic. Any other suggestions are also welcome. Thank you.
PROMPT 1:
As you probably have figured out by now, I am not originally from United States. My family and I moved to the US from Ethiopia when I was six years old. Like many others from around the world, my parents decided to come to United States of America in hopes of a better life and a chance to live the American Dream which we all so desperately desired. Though Ethiopia was a country filled with poverty and hardship my parents had to good fortune of living decent, middle-class lives. Despite comfortable status, my parents understood that the future of their children would have a much better chance for success and prosperity in America. Our move to this country entailed many adjustments and sacrifices, especially on the part of my father and mother. As I grew older, I began to understand and appreciate the tremendous amount of sacrifices my parents made for me and my siblings.
Among the many experiences I had growing up with parents that lived paycheck to paycheck trying their very hardest to provide for us, I would never forget waking up late into the hours past midnight to hear my mother come back from her job exhausted with every ounce of her energy painstakingly extracted from her body. Of course I was only a child at the time, but she didn't have to say a word to me to convey how tired she was; I could see it in her baggy, bloodshot eyes. When my mother came home, my dad would then go to his job. On one occasion, both my mother and father had to work overtime so me and my brother had to spend the night at our neighbor's house. I was not particularly fond of the idea of having to spend the night at the house of people I did not know to well, but I had no choice. Frightened, uncomfortable, strained-these adjectives accurately describe the emotions I felt that night. Exasperated and on the verge of bursting into tears, I asked my father, before he left to work, why him and my mother had to work so much. To this very day, I still remember what he said to me very solemnly looking straight into my eyes, "You have to learn to overcome hardships in life or success will never come your way in life." At first, I never quite understood what my father was attempting to communicate the first time he gave me these words of advice.
As I was growing up, my father constantly reminded of those words of wisdom and I very quickly began to comprehend his message. In fact, these insightful words have been my salvation in my moments of distress, whether that is in school or my personal life, bringing much solace to my turbulent life. With the support of these words and encouragement from many important figures in my life, I have been able to strive for excellence, but most importantly I also have learned to embrace failure and view it only as a detour on path to success.
My first thought is that you should let go of the first sentence. Someone who does not know you personally, would have no way of knowing and certainly, they could not tell by your writing. If English is your second language congratulations, because you have a better grasp on it than a lot of people born here!
...my parents decided to come to the United States of ...
...hardship my parents had the good fortune of living decent, middle-class lives.
Despite (a, our, or their ) comfortable status, my ...
...my parents understood that the future of their children would have a much better chance for success and prosperity in America.
...father had to work overtime, so my brother and I had to spend the night...
"You have to learn to overcome hardships in life or success will never come your way. in life ." I took the liberty of changing this, just because I liked it better with 'in life' just written once. No disrespect to your dad!
...whether it was in school or my personal life,...
as a detour on the path to success.
