Hello ,would you please help me by reviewing my s.o.p and letting me know my mistakes and also any suggestions/corrections would
be appreciated. or some thing to add ,etc.
From thousands of years ago, the body, its shape, how it functions and its complex and well organized system, has been so important for the humankind for the purpose of survive, and it must be especially more important for female because of beautify.
Herein as based on a report published by the Times magazine, Italian excavation group have announced the gilded 5000 year-old artificial eye discovered in the ancient Burnt city of southeast Iran (my country) belonged to a young female (2800 BC!) so, nowadays in an era where science flourishes and it's use as a base to solve all of mankind's problems, I should be more interested in biological fields specifically biomaterial, which is my favorite field of interest as a young girl in 21 century .
Besides, I took art classes when I was in high school and it help me out to make my mind more creative and also subtlety. Furthermore my robotic class, that I had this chance to be my team leader, instruct me how to work on a team and how to lead and manage it.
Fortunately my close relatives' jobs are one of the effective reasons that influenced on me to choose biomaterial. For instance my parents are both professor in occupational health and safety and history filed, so they learned me about the history of science and the utility of that, learning about health effect of substances on human, several book that they read for me in my childhood, and my 10th birthday's best gifts that were a series of encyclopedia, my researches and simple examinations in our garden and also my favorite TV programs "documentary" have been my best source to learn more of science.
More over my grand aunt is nurse and she is one of those kind one, I love her as she do love me too, so when I was younger I spent most of my free time with her in children hospital, it was a good situation for me to being more familiar with hospital and talking and playing with inpatient kids. Also every time that we went to the Seoul national university children hospital (SNUH) to check the status of my sister's closed intramedullary nailing and I saw the kind behavior of nurses, I remembered my aunt.
Another thing to consider in my interest to studying biomaterial should be the fact that I'm already using one of its product "my tooth crown".it helps me to eat easier and make my life better. As regards it is just one of the simplest product of biomaterial that do a noteworthy roll in daily life.
The last but not the least reason for me to love studying biomaterial major is to finding a better way for drug delivery, especially for those acute and chronic disease, because my best friend had been diagnosed with breath cancer, during her chemotherapy she always complained of suffering from weakness, fatigue, nausea, vomiting and three more significant symptoms that they must be harder for a young girl, such as hair loss, dry skin and nail brittle.
So I hope due to my future studies and researches, I found a drug without at least this side effects.
Your essay reads more like an autobiographical research paper rather than a statement of purpose. It is too long, has too much information that does not actually help the essay along, and does not immediately present the necessary responses to a statement of purpose. I suggest that you consider a revision of the paper based upon the following guidelines:
1. Consider the reason that you want to enroll in graduate school. What is your main purpose? Is it merely educational, or does it have a professional connotation to it? Are you interested in further studies in order to advance your current career position? Or is this for scientific research achievement?
2. How long have you been working in the related field? What kind of relevant work experience do you have in relation to your masters degree?
3. Aside from your early academic training, have you recently attended any relevant seminars or training courses that relate to your chosen masters course? If yes, then please list them and what you learned from it.
4. What are your short and long term goals in terms of your career achievements? How do you expect these advanced studies to help you achieve your short and long term goals?
Those are the most important requirements of a statement of purpose and pretty much sums up everything that needs to be contained in your revised essay.
oh...
thank you so much .
so
I think I should recompose it
again...
it was my first time.
but
it is really hard to write.especially in English.
exactly when I don't really know what to write.
I just finished my high school ,I haven't much experience .
Hello.
here is another request .
would you please reviewing my essay because I've been inform that my personal statemet should be written clearly and in detail on one (or more) of the listed topic below.so I want to know if there is any similarity between my text and this topices? if it is , so please let me know my mistakes.if it is possible.
1.Discuss the disappointments, failure, or risks in your life so far and your responses to them.
2.Describe some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
