Hi everyone, this is an early draft of my Common App essay. I would like to get some feedback about it. I like the topic, but the essay itself seems dull to me, and I would like to know your opinions on it. Any edits and suggestions would also be appreciated. Please be as harsh as possible. I would like honest opinions, not sugar coated, watered down comments. Thanks!
In life, a little uncertainty can be a good thing and it's ok to be wrong sometimes. The benefit of a little uncertainty is probably the most important thing I learned in high school. I learned this through asking questions. Asking a question itself is a simple act: getting a helpful response is not. People tend to either not know the answer or give unhelpful answers. There is nothing one can do to prevent these situations, but by listening with an open mind, one can maximize the chance of getting a helpful response. During high school, I learned to listen to people regardless of whether they are right or wrong. More than a few times, I have suspected others of being wrong, but I was not certain enough of my own abilities to correct them. This uncertainty caused me to humble myself and always listen to people with an open mind. Later on, I learned to apply this open-mindedness to other aspects of life. Now, when debating, I don't automatically assume I'm right. This prevents me from responding too defensively and ignoring what the other party has to say. It's not about being right or wrong. It's about sharing ideas, and that's what I realized.
In physics, we learned that cold is not a physical state. One can feel it, but that does not make "coldness" real. Cold is simply a relative term, describing how much heat something has compared to something else. Right and wrong are similarly related. Being right is like being cold. The absence of any evidence of being wrong does not make somebody right, even though the state of being right seems as real as the state of being cold. It all depends on one's perspective. Keeping this in mind, I have learned to not be excessively certain of myself. What all overly certain people fail to see is that issues frequently have multiple sides. Just like a hologram that changes when viewed from different angles, what is right frequently changes depending on the perspective one views an issue from. As such, I have learned to evaluate issues from several different perspectives. To me, having an open mind is more important than being right. Discovering that I'm wrong is one of the best self-improvement tricks I know. We, as humans, learn from our mistakes. Uncertainty lets the truth emerge, and that is why I believe in it-but I could be wrong.
Hello,
I like your essay, as it is very unique, but I feel there are some thing that might be improved upon:
Watch out for the language, as the "ok" at the beginning of the essay may be too informal. It does not seem to fit in with the rest of the essay.
Very often, I find that you use the word "this" without clarifying to what you are refering to. For example, instead of writing "This prevents me from responding too defensively ", perhaps you could clarify what "this" refers to. This practice? this mindset?
A fairly good essay, though the it sound somewhat too common.
I suggest you to more elaborate on your unique experience, which might successfully introduce yourself and 'the importance of uncertainty'.
You mentioned so many facts that some readers may not be able to get your intention.
Focus on only one fact or two, and leave more space for them to carry somewhat more in-depth desceiption.
No significant grammar error was found, but only one.
'Uncertainty lets let the truth emerge'
:)
Amazingly deep and essay with an intriguing topic. The hot/cold and right/wrong analogy gave me goosebumps. Try to be somewhat more specific in your instances in judging situations as right or wrong. Give a few specific examples of these instances. Other than that, great essay.
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I went back and edited it, and added a specific personal example. Here is the new version:
A little uncertainty can be a good thing and it's ok to be wrong sometimes. In fact, the benefit of uncertainty is probably the most important thing I learned in high school, and I learned it in my sophomore science class.
All my life, science had been a breeze. It wasn't until my sophomore year that I was truly challenged. Elements and ions were Greek to me; for the first time, there was something I didn't immediately understand. At the end of the year, I received a grade of 89.4-my first B ever. I was devastated. The rest of my high school years weren't any easier, but I consider chemistry the lowest point of my educational career-and the best class I've ever taken. It taught me humility. Many times, while discussing chemistry, I have suspected others of being wrong, but I was not certain enough of my own abilities to contradict them. This experience bred in me a certain hesitation, forcing me to always listen with an open mind.
In chemistry, we learned that cold is not a physical state. We can feel it, but that does not make "coldness" real. Cold is simply a relative term, describing how much heat something has compared to something else. Right and wrong are similarly related. Being right is like being cold. The absence of any evidence of being wrong does not make somebody right, even though the state of being right seems as real as the state of being cold. It all depends on one's perspective. Keeping this in mind, I try to not be excessively certain of myself. What all overly assured people fail to see is that issues frequently have multiple sides. Just like a hologram that changes when viewed from different angles, what is right frequently changes depending on the perspective from which one views the issue. Knowing this, I have learned to evaluate issues from several different perspectives. To me, having an open mind is more important than being right. Discovering that I'm wrong is one of the best self-improvement tricks I know. We, as humans, learn from our mistakes. Uncertainty lets the truth emerge, and that's why I believe in it-but I could be wrong.
Any feedback?
I think you should rework it. It does not get me excited about you as an a candidate and does not tell me much about who you are. Don't like the idea of describing yourself as devastated by narrowly missing an A. Makes you seem fragile. I would write about a different topic.
hi, i think u should try to give more examples and be a little specific. Your Essay is great all in all.
Good writing. Just thought the structure of your writing need to be more organized, especially in the body. It took me a little time to find out the key sentence of each paragraph.
