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What is important to you? My freedom.


Michell20 4 / 10 3  
Nov 19, 2017   #1
Prompt: What is important to you? And why? (maximum 250 words)

My freedom matters to me



"Ethics for Amador" is not my favorite book. Definitely not a reading that I would like to repeat. Now, from all of its statements there is one remarkable sentence stuck in my head "We are not free to choose what happens to us, but free to respond to what happens to us in this or that way".

As an infant, my parents always emphasized the importance of freedom. Of course, I didn't get to choose my family, my nationality or even my name. Decisions that for sure have a great impact in my life -from the why I don't celebrate Christmas as everyone else does to the reason why my name is not Chinese.

However, I was always encouraged to do the things I enjoyed. I never had the need to fulfil other people expectations but my own. Having the privilege to decide my passions and dreams, what to believe and how to act.

In a world where plenty of people lives to please what society demands, I grew up as a product of my own choices, which constantly convince me that freedom is the most important we can have.

My freedom allows to reach my goals, to believe and defend my opinion upon topics such as non-discrimination and to never give up on my passion for both science and art. It matters to me because it grants me control over my life and it's a reminder that regardless of the circumstances, I can choose whoever I want to become.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,735 3072  
Nov 19, 2017   #2
Michell, this is a strong response that is only weakened by some wrong word choices. For instance, in the second paragraph, you cannot use the term "infant" because an infant does not have any concept of freedom. However, an "adolescent" would have a simple understanding of the term so I believe you should use that term instead. Then in paragraph 4, you should say "freedom is the most important THING we can have." Consider freedom an item of importance in this instance and refer to it as such otherwise the sentence doesn't make any sense. As for the opening paragraph. The reviewer may not be familiar with the book you have chosen to take a quote from. So rather than discussing it in a manner that implies the reviewer should be familiar with it, you can instead, use the quote as the hook of the essay. Open with the quote simply by saying:

We are not free to choose what happens to us, but free to respond to what happens to us in this or that way - Ethics for Amador

Then start the essay with:

"As an adolescent..."

Thus making the quote itself a direct and relevant part of your response. Sure your essay will not be exactly 250 words. You don't have to present the maximum anyway. Just something over the minimum will suffice. In this case, the lesser your words, the stronger your presentation will become.
OP Michell20 4 / 10 3  
Nov 19, 2017   #3
@Holt
Thank you for your response! English is not my first language and you really helped me
Ashkan123 12 / 33 2  
Nov 19, 2017   #4
Hi Michell, This is my contribution towards your essay.I think your third and fourth paragraph is too small.As far as I know( I am not sure) each paragraph should contain at least five or more sentences. I liked the way you start and finished your essay.

... its statements, there is ...

... great impact in onmy life -from the why wayI don't celebrate ...

... need to fulfill other people ...

My freedom allows to reach reching my goals...


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