'most important tool in this world' - Music, powerful Russian songs ...UC # 2

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important
to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the
person you are?

I believe music is one of most important tool in this world, when there is something happens either bad or good music is always there with you! Music always has been my best friend, just music instrumentals, song, everything when it is complex it is very unique. When I was three years old I was singing this ...

After edits:

Music has always been my best friend. Whenever I think about my childhood, I always remember little me singing song about horse in front of full of audience, before I almost understand what the meaning of that song. Sometimes, I think my life started from that moment. One day my grandmother was looking me and my sister but in my hometown electricity used to shut off was typical thing. There was nothing to do besides talking. So I started singing the song that I learned from kindergarten, from television, and radio. My little sister and grandmother were enjoying my songs that I was singing that night. From that moment I understand, however it is sad or black day I could give people joy through my song. When I was in elementary school I had a chance to sing New Year song out of many talented students, but I could not sing like when I am alone. My tone has changed like deaf person singing and I was worried about how I look and what people think about me. From that time, I stopped singing in public but just for my self. But when I was in ninth grade, I moved from small city to capital city Ulaanbaatar, I transferred school where I had to take three languages, which were Russian English and Japanese. I had some difficulties in learning Russian. In order to get better grade at that class, I need to do some extra credit. I have known this song called "Pod Moscavniya Vechira" the most popular song which my mother used to sing when I was kid. I told myself I have known this song more than ten years now it is the time to show. So I sang " Pod Moscavniya vechira" my Russian teacher amazed how I sing that song because of that I had a chance to sing that song in front of Russian guest students and teachers from Russia whom are visited to my school. I gained my confidence again like when I was performing in front of my grandmother and sister. At senior year I became the best singer of my high school. Since I came here in United States I attended donation concert to Mongolia, in order to help herders who are having hard time in winter. I also performed two famous singers from Mongolia now I have been able to sing confident, happily, powerful and strong in front of anyone.

I think you have a good theme, although you do have A LOT of simple grammar errors. I suggest you print this out and have someone edit it by hand. For example:

-Write "me" instead of "you." for example: "music is always there with you!" Say music has always been there for me. And without the exclamation mark.

-Stick to one tense. You are writing in the past tense and present.
-Don't use exclamation points, and also take out the "..."
-"she thought me this Russian song"-Watch out for spell check! It should be taught, not thought.

Remember to stick to the prompt. What about singing is important to you? What about singing and music makes you proud of who you are? How do apply the things you've learned from music to the rest of your life?

Focus on those questions, and only write about those questions.

I agree about using 1st person perspective instead of 2nd,. It seems preachy when people write "you."

I also agree with Julia about not using the exclamation point in formal writing, but I wish I did not!!!!!! I like exclamation points, and I think they play a cool role in writing. Unfortunately, some AO readers might be among those who frown on the use of them in formal writing, so you maybe should not use them, But I would use them, even at the risk of seeming informal!!

Whenever I think about my childhood, I always---it is redundant. Either use whenever or always, but not both.

Your first 2 sentences are beautiful!

One day my grandmother was looking me and my sister but in my hometown electricity used to shut off was typical thing. --this is full of errors.

One day, my grandmother was looking after me sister and me in my hometown, where it was typical to have the electricity shut off on occasion.

From that moment I understand understood that however it is sad or black the day I could give people joy through my song. ---end the paragraph here.

New paragraph:
When I was in elementary school I had a chance to sing ...

I'll change the verb to the past tense:
In order to get better grade at that class, I needed to do some extra credit.

...the best singer of my high school. (end the paragraph and start a new one here.)

Since I came here in United States I attended a charity donation concert to involving Mongolia in order to help herders who are having hard time in winter.

:-)