prompt:
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs,school,community,city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)
my response:
Hong Kong, an affluent city in South East China, is a place where I born. However I live with family in a region which everyone called "City of Sadness". My mother, originally was a worker in the sewage department, has resigned to take care of my brother, sister and me since I was five. Now my father is the only income earner. School fee, textbooks and other expenses increase dramatically. His salary can barely make the ends meet but harder as time goes on. It makes me realize I have to work hard.
When I was young, I helped repairing broken appliances. Pipeline, electrical socket or furniture, nothing I couldn't fix. Sometimes I would consider how CD player works and how does water turns to steam when boiling. It should be the first time; I discovered my interest in Physics and Engineering. I started to dream about being a great scientist and invent ultimate machines.
When I was told I entered one of the top high schools in the territory, I was overjoyed. I not only appreciate the reputation but also the support provided. It is an English school focused on science education. There are five laboratories in total with different purposes. It provides equipment for basic needs. Also, the teachers are amiable. They encourage me to do what I want, being a physicist or an engineer.
I am eager to use physics and engineering to reciprocate my parents and my school as well as contribute to the world.
I wonder whether it is a good essay.
Also i will appreciate your help on grammatical correction.
Hong Kong, an affluent city in South East China, is the place where I born. However I lived with family in a region which everyone called "City of Sadness". My mother, originally was a worker in the sewage department, has resigned to take care of my brother, sister and me since I was five. Now my father was the only income earner. School fees, textbooks and other expenses increased dramatically.
Look at the corrections I made above. Practice typing the correct way.
His salary could barely make the ends meet, but he worked harder and persevered. It makes me realize I have to work hard.
I discovered my interest in Physics and Engineering. I started to dream about being a great scientist and inventing ultimate new machines.
When I was told I entered one of the top high schools in the territory, I was overjoyed. I not only appreciate the reputation but also the support provided.
I think the reader will know how serious you are and feel impressed!
What do you mean? Do you think people will judge you negatively because of the struggle? No, everyone loves to hear stories about people who were not born into wealth but who work hard and become successful. People will want to see you succeed.
