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Impressed by the G.Tech's focus on, enthusiasm for and dedication to advanced technological research


panyuchong 1 / 1 1  
Jan 4, 2016   #1
This is my essay for Georgia Tech. I would be grateful for any suggestions!

Prompt:

Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech? (max 150 words)

My essay:

I was impressed by the Georgia Tech's focus on, enthusiasm for and dedication to advanced technological research. My 7-year experience of learning programming and algorithms has greatly kindled my interest in computer science. With outstanding faculties at the Georgia Tech, I can have further interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary exploration in computer science. I especially look forward to carrying out research on compilers, artificial intelligence and machine learning at the College of Computing.

Furthermore, the great, comprehensive system of career development at the Georgia Tech appeals to me. With its internship programs and cooperative education, I will gain working experience as a real programmer and learn how to apply the theoretical knowledge to the real world. Also, the biannual career fairs will help me make contact with top-notch technological companies such as Google and Apple, with which I can find what I need to do to apply for these companies.

Word count: 150
Thanks a lot for your time!
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 4, 2016   #2
Pan, your essay is good but too wordy. So I revised it to lower the word count to 135 and also make the essay more informative in a shorter manner. Here is what I developed for you to use :

My 7-year experience of learning programming and algorithms has greatly kindled my interest in computer science. So when I heard about the unparalleled focus of Georgia Tech on technological research, I knew this was the university I had to attend. As a student a the College of Computing, I will be able to carry on with my interests in interdisciplinary and multidisciplinary exploration in computer science in relation to AI and machine learning.

Georgia Teach offers me the opportunity to gun for employment at the biannual career fairs that invite representatives of Google and Apple, both companies that I plan to apply to after graduation. So early exposure to their companies through the Georgia Tech activity will help me fast-track my career in computer science. That is why Georgia Tech is my university of choice.
OP panyuchong 1 / 1 1  
Jan 5, 2016   #3
Louisa, thanks a lot for your great revision!
The revised essay is much better and more succinct than my original one
And thanks to your suggestions, I know know my shortcoming in writing.


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