What really impressed me is that TEDxZYZ is really influential. Extra activities essay.

Elaborate on one of your extra activities

TEDxZYZ - Voice of the Youth

There is no word limit but within 500kb. Here's mine. Please give me some advice.

On Mar. 27, 2016, in the VIP hall of Huanghe Hotel, the spotlight concentrated on the podium covered with a piece of red cloth, on which vigorous high school students exhibited their presentations one by one. Sitting in the front of auditorium, hearing the constant impassioned applause from my back, I recalled the beginning of the story.

"We will make a TedxYouthZYZ with speakers from high schools, and the theme will be Voice of the Youth", I said ardently in the classroom to two of my friends, "the youth in China need a platform to share their valuable thoughts, and we will do that!" We reach an agreement immediately, and started application and preparation without hesitation.

In the beginning, many teachers and predecessors were skeptical with our plan, contending that high school students were not able to develop valuable ideas, but my team and I believed that some ideas belonged to the students, which needed us to discover.

As we started to selected speakers from high school, I discovered that students in my city didn't really know about TED and TEDx, so we planned to hold explanation presentation at different schools to popularize the concept of TED and what we were doing, and at the same time to encourage students with ideas worth spreading to join us.

Everything went on, and we also met some obstacles. As I introduced the idea and plans of TEDxZYZ again and again, Some schools backed us a lot, and they even encourage students to take part in our activity, while some school administrators did not think this event was more important than study. We tried to persuade them, and if we did not make it, we would contact some representatives of students to help us hold propaganda. Still, many students were attracted by us.

As we believed all the time, with the pace of our explanation, a large number of students sent email to us. Their ideas were diversified and inspirational. One of them is a Bisexual, who held idea about love in his own perspective and experience. Another one is the champion of National Model Plane Competition, who shares his apprehension of modal plane beyond science and technology. To my surprise, many students were willing to join our team to organize this event. By the day of TEDxZYZ, our team had reached 26 members in total.

Before the time for speakers, representing the organizing team, I made a short speech, in which I said to the over 300 audience, "It is my honor to share with you the following interesting ideas with you. As a matter of fact, the voice of youth is worth sharing to all of you. Every TEDx, I believe, is organized for the radiant ideas and to spread the ideas worth spreading."

What really impressed me is that TEDxZYZ is really influential. After TEDx, many people from different communities and school came to me and told me that they considered it an excellent idea, and they also want to organize one in their own community. I realized that TEDx is more significant than we thought for the city.

Jiang, when you are asked to elaborate on an extra curricular activity, you are not being asked to relate a specific event related to it. Rather, it is just supposed to be a statement, since you only have 500 kb with which to work with for the statement response. Yes, you have to respond in only a few sentences and not a narrative essay form. So all you have to do with this essay is deliver the name of the activity, the club or organization you participated in, and what the objective of the activity is. The objective of the activity is the elaboration part of the statement. this should not take more than 5 sentences to complete at the most. Look at the other examples of statements here based upon the same prompt requirement. Observe how the others responded to it and use those as examples when it comes to revising your response.

@Holt
Thank you. I just want to make it clear that it is a supplument essay and what I have written above is about 500kb, so could you please just make some suggestions about the content.

Jiang, the problem with the essay is that is focuses on the organization and how it works rather on your participation in the organization and what benefits you have gained, lessons you have learned, or contributions you have made the community or society in general as a member of the organization. The essay requires you to share your experience as a participant in the extra curricular activity. It does not require you to introduce the activity as a stand alone topic in the essay. That is why the concentration of the essay was never on you, when it should have been solely on you. So, the best way to revise this essay will be to bring the attention of the reviewer to the way you participate in the organization and the kind of influence you have shared in terms of developing the club or the community that the club works with.