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Incapability is the worst kind of failure. Recognizing a failure in study.

woodoo 1 / 1 1  
Oct 31, 2016   #1
LAST MINUTE COMMON APP ESSAY! Need help shortening and editing! Any advice would be helpful PLZ HELP

Not a great essay but I need it to justify my awful grades D: Thank You!!

When one receives a bad grade, there are typically 2 situations acceptable as explanations.
"Ugh, I studied so hard for this test, I can't believe I flunked it."
"LOL I didn't study, no wonder I did so bad."
Or something of that mentality.

If you apply to the first situation, then congratulations; your courage is unrivaled; for not many students are willing to admit their failure. Unfortunately, I was not one of those brave souls. Instead of facing the failure head on, I had chosen to hide my tails between my legs and head the other way. And over the years, the second saying became my catchphrase. One might be confused; even though both are failure, why would you choose the second route even though the first one has a better chance of success?

Well, I am here to enlighten you with the mindset of the failure. Failure after sweat-dripping efforts means incapability; your best isn't good enough. And that is embarrassing. Compared to being labeled incapable; if you never attempted to try your best, you wouldn't ever find out if you're capable of achieving a good score. In other words, you're scared to find out if you're incapable, because, in your mind, incapability is the worst kind of failure.

In a competitive environment like my school, 'you don't try' became a bragging right while 'you do try' became the nerd indicator. That is the brilliant ploy of the evil geniuses, and I became the perfect victim. Then, a sudden realization revealed something truly terrifying.

Like a bird that's been too comfortable on the ground, I am no longer able to lift my wings and fly. I am now wondering how I became this way. Was it the trauma after the first test I flunked in High School? Was it the general mentality of the masses that I was stupid enough to fell victim to? Was it my mom's constant accusation of me being 'incapable' as a failed attempt at motivation? When had I stopped trying? Why had I started believing that giving up is the answer?

When did I become such a coward?
These realizations came all too late as junior year leaves for its final stop. And regret is indubitably the most useless and painful feeling ever introduced to mankind. After all these realizations, one final question surfaces.

Are you capable enough to turn things around?
This time, I will accept the result in whatever form. So I decided to have the most productive final summer. I extracted all of the things I had always wanted to do but didn't have the courage to and inputted my 110 percent.

I released a draft for a novel that I had kept confined in my head for years. Even though I wasn't able to publish it due to the lack of resources, I was euphoric with the fact that I was finally able to pluck the ideas out of my brain to the paper, well, word document to be specific.

I then started the business with my mom that we had once planned as a joke. My mom dropped out shortly after, but I kept it going. Don't worry, shameless plug not included. I made a website for the items I wanted to sell, purchased the goods from a supplier with a small loan of 100 dollars (from my dad), and proceeded to advertise on YouTube with the offer for them to feature my product. It was easier said than done as few YouTubers were willing to feature my product for free. But nonetheless, I had created something that can be recognized as a business.

When my dad needed help with his business because he couldn't afford a professional, I was a free accountant, labor worker, even a water heater installer, and made websites, labels, and package designs.

I was then offered a priceless opportunity to be an intern for a candidate running for State Assembly in Lower Manhattan. There I had to knock door after doors and call phone after phones; starting with a "Hello! I am a friend of-" and ending with a door slammed in my face or the flatline beep of a hang-up phone. Not pleasant, yet invaluable as an experience.

And finally, I have approached the end of the bragging. I camped out at the library slowly murdered my brain by doing pages after pages of Barron's SAT II MATH LEVEL II & BIO E/M in pursuit of that perfect 800. Whether I was capable of achieving that level of perfection we shall see. But I applaud myself for trying my best for the first time since...

This concludes my most fulfilling summer ever, where I did things besides binge-watching HBO shows. Was I capable enough to overturn my past? Probably not. But in the end, whether the fruits of my efforts are sweet enough is up to you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444  
Oct 31, 2016   #2
Woodoo, are you trying to answer 2 different prompts within one essay? That is how this essay reads to me. First you started out by discussing your bad grades then, somewhere along the way, the discussion turned to how you had a productive summer. Needless to say, I got lost. where did that come from? I thought we were discussing your bad grades and you were taking ownership of it? Your explanation said you needed to explain your bad grades? So why the confused essay? Why the multiple topics in a single discussion? Something is not making sense here. Something definitely got lost in translation. If this essay is about justifying your low grades, then don't veer from that. Stick to developing an acceptable explanation for the mediocre grades you have. It has nothing to do with the latter part of your essay from what I can tell. I think you lacked focus and concentration in this case and it shows in the confused work. Pick a topic, develop, then discuss it thoroughly please.
OP woodoo 1 / 1 1  
Oct 31, 2016   #3
Um sorry I wasn't actually following a specific prompt. I thought that my bad grades would be justified/explained by my lack of efforts that I was mentioning. And I guess that I thought that I could justify my lack of efforts on putting a lot of effort into producing results and doing things in the summer. Since Junior year is over and there's not much else I can put efforts in but the summer. So I guess this essay is a failed attempt at explaining why I have mediocre grades (89 if it matters D:) because I was afraid to put in effort, and how I turned that around and put effort into making the summer productive to show that I overcame my fear and that I have the capability to do anything if I put my mind to it.

Thanks for the comment, I guess the essay is a bit confusing!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444  
Oct 31, 2016   #4
Hey Woodoo, don't feel defeated just yet. There is still a way that you can save the essay. You already related how you failed and what the image of a failure was at your school and how it was perceived in your community, so why not take full ownership of the failure? Make a true admission as to why you failed. Once you become cognizant of the reasons why you failed, you can redirect the content of the essay. You can make the essay state something along the lines of you finally being at that point in your life when you are mature enough to take responsibility for your failures and you will make sure it will not happen again. Then relate how you plan to change who you are as a student should you be admitted into this university. This is just a suggestion on my part but I think it really is one way that you can save this essay without having to write a new one.

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