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siyuan12345 2 / -  
Oct 19, 2014   #1
So this is my maryland CP essay. the limit is 500 words, but i have 638. I don't know where to trim down, and there are couple grammar errors. thanks so much

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The automated door bell rings as the front door opens, and customers are greeted with, "Hi! How are you? How can I help you today?" This is the phrase that I have to say everyday while working in my parent's sushi restaurant, and my responses are slowly becoming robotic.

My life as a "restaurant kid" started when I moved to America to reunite with my parents after 10 years living in China with my grandma. Ever since then, my true "home" has always been inside of the restaurant, among the countless plates that I have shattered and a pressure cooker that exploded when I was curious about "what would happen if I clogged the steam vent with rice". As a boy I would play hide and seek with my little brother, lock myself inside the industrial sized walk in freezer, and sleep in the little storage place under the cash register. I felt like Christopher Columbus, exploring the restaurant with a curious mind, experimenting with foods like a scientist, and washing the dishes like I was in a pool. But as I grew older, my parents began to give me jobs to do so I can relief some of their stress.

When I was entering 7th grade, my dad assigned me an important job. It was his job as a chef and a restaurant manager. My objective was to make sushi and to serve food to the customers, but this was impossible without any proper training. So during the summer, my dad told me to stand next to him and watch him make sushi because this was the way how he learned and became a sushi chef 16 years ago. At first glance, I thought making sushi was a walk in the park; just lay down the seaweed, put some rice on, flip it over, put some fish in, roll it up, and cut it up. Unfortunately, when it was my chance to make the sushi, it was a total disaster.

"I think you are better off working in Subway and make subs than making sushi with me." My dad jokingly said. "Making sushi is like an art, it takes time and patience. It took me 3 years to master it."

Although it took me 7 months to learn basics, I was still nowhere near the level that my dad was on. However, knowing how to do the simple things did reduce some of the work my dad was doing; in fact, he took his first day off of work since the restaurant opened. Eventually, I began washing dishes, taking care of customers, dealing with customer complaints, etc.

As I grew older, often times I found myself stuck between being a "restaurant kid" and a regular high school student. Every day after school, I have to go to the restaurant and help out, while at the same time finishing my school work in the kitchen. Sometimes my physics homework would be stopped by the angry customers impatiently waiting for their order, my study time would be cut short because of chores that my parents didn't have time to do, and whatever I was doing would be stopped because of dirty dishes that needs to be washed. By doing this, I couldn't join any athletic teams, clubs, or other events such as parties, concerts, etc; but I was willing to sacrifice my time for my parents because they sacrificed their life 18 years ago by immigrating to America and started a new life.

The experience of growing up as a "restaurant kid" encouraged me to work harder so I can be the first member of my family to graduate high school and go into college. The best thing about this experience is that I use these lessons and imply them to my future as a college student and beyond.
boo2601 2 / 4  
Oct 20, 2014   #2
I think you should change the "attitude" of your essay. After reading it, what impresses me is only that a young boy do not like the life of "restaurant kid" but he still accept it because of his parents.

The experience of growing up as a "restaurant kid" encouraged me to work harder so I can be the first member of my family to graduate high school and go into college.

Your summary is a bit not relevant with what u have said above. Although u tell a long story about your life, I do not see any relationship between it and what it encourage you work harder but a boy trying to escape from family business.

I'm not good at writing but I hope that my advice is somewhat helpful. I think it should be better if u write something that make you proud of and what truly exciting experience to make your essay better :)


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