Should I include names in my essay?

prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet

I did a fundraise with my best friend and her brother.
Should I include their names, or is that unnecessary?

I do not think it is necessary. However this is your essay. I do not think that this is one of the first things you should worry about before you write the essay.

I understand how one can get stuck on such things. Just write the essay in a way that feels most natural to you, naming or not naming them as the case may be. It's fine to name them for the essay that you will send in to the university. If you choose to post it here, then you can respect their privacy by using X and Y in place of the names.

Can you guys edit this? Thanks.

"Cookies, anyone? Delicious, yet low in sugar!" This starts my Saturday weekend, selling chocolate chip cookies that I baked the day before, along with my best friend and her brother. These are not ordinary cookies, however- they are low in sugar, and thus a healthy option with those with diabetes. A few supportive neighbors stop buy to purchase our cookies.

I first became interested in diabetes with my best friend's brother was diagnosed with type II diabetes, just a few months ago. It was shocking to me, since I had known him for so long. I decided to support my best friend, and we started a fundraise to raise money, but mostly awareness of diabetes, as well as to promote healthy habits. Selling these healthy cookies in order to promote healthy eating choices is just one activity we did.

PS- I know this is kinda bad. I don't know if I should tell the story of the fundraiser, or recite it. So I think I did both..?

What's the prompt for this essay? I like the first paragraph, but I can't decide what you should do with the second without knowing the question you are answering.

Prompt: In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I actually decided to go with a different topic,but thanks anyways :)

i like it!
butt heres some things you may want to consider
if your doing the common app online, im not too sure if you can use the hypens or dashes w.e. its called. and if so, you MUST finish it off. you didnt here.


this should be: however-they are low in sugar-they are a healthy option...
(because once you close off the dash you have to make sure the however and the other part makes a complete sentence)
obviously this is a little awkward so i think you should consider rewriiting this sentence.

and then im sure you know that your second paragraph is a little shaky, but its still very good. i rly like what you do :) VERY unique.


^^ the 2nd paragraph ws great, but you should end it with someting better than this

good luck! :D