i been really frustrated with my essay. i wrote 6 essays so far and not many people at my school like them. i fixed many of them and they are better. can someone give me feedback in this essay i will totally appreciate it if anyone responds to it as soon as possible thank you.
spelling and grammar will be check soon.
Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.
There are many places in the world. Places that are diverse since they provide us with an adventurous life, great education, and new experiences. New York is consider for me the most amazing place for any human being to live in. Furthermore, this place offers a one of a kind education since New York University is located in there to make the dreams of many people come true.
Since I was a child, I had the ability to be social with any person that I met. At the same time, I always had something that made me want to create new inventions. It was in my sophomore year when I wanted to find out what I was really good at. I took many tests to find out the right career for me, but none of results satisfied me. One day I started looking at different colleges and their academics. In the process, Business got my attention more than any other career did. I went to go ask my counselor about business and she told me that it was a career where I needed a lot of social skills and mathematics. At that moment, my research for my career was over. I knew that I had all the social skills that I needed to become a businessperson, and mathematics was my favorite subject as well. During the summer, I started to look at the different kinds of specialties of business and International Business amazed me. The facts that I can be able to interact with different countries, export and import different things, learn new languages, and create my own business are all the things that I ever wanted.
There were many colleges that offered International Business, but none of them like the New York University. I had always been passionate about New York City. I love how life in there is limitless. New York makes anyone expect the most unexpected things and that is why I want to study in there. Besides the life in there, I believe that New York University is the most luxurious university in the whole world and I will love to be part of the alumni. This university has a great program for International Business and is beneficial for me since it will make me interact with actual businesses, prepare me for a world that is constantly changing, and recognize many of the efforts that I will put forth. In addition, New York and New York University will provide me a diverse environment, an excellent education, and valuable lessons to face the real world.
New York and New York University are the most desirable places for me. I know that New York will give me the life that I been looking for in many years. Moreover, New York University will give me an incomparable education in business that will make me shine as a businessperson in the world.
The facts fact that I can be able to interact with different various countries, export and import different things, learn new languages, and create my own business are all the things opportunities that I ever wanted.
What is the most interesting sentence you have ever ready? One of the most interesting sentence I have read it this:
Writing bites like a fish.
Some fish bite. Some sentences make you have a certain sensation. It is just like when you have flowers and weeds in a garden; you pull out the weeds so attention can be given to the flowers.
This is a weed:
There are many places in the world.
This is a flower:
At that moment, my research for my career was over. ---This is a good sentence, because it gives the reader a nice feeling.
Most of your writing gives a nice feeling, and it is refreshing to hear from someone so sure about how to put his talents to work. But go a step further, and discuss more about the different kinds of specialties of business and International Business. Talk about specific plans you have. Imagine you just graduated and need to take action. What will you do after graduation? What will you do now to prepare for what you will do after graduation?
What kind of business will you go into? Will you be socially and environmentally responsible?
I think you should write about some articles you have read.
:-)
