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'the independence and confidence' - family history, culture, or environment and me


ariellw2013 2 / 6  
Aug 8, 2012   #1
Hey guys, I would greatly appreciate if someone would read and edit this essay. I really need some help and I revised it to make it sound my "personal". This essay is in response to UCF questions how has my family history, culture, or environment influenced who I am and why did I apply to UCF. Thank you so much for the help.

It is the eye grasper, the key to one's attention; the starter point-it is the headline. The headline ceases the opportunity to spread the essential point across in such direct approach. For example, within my personal statement, using flamboyant details, I have the opportunity to extend my message across to my potential colleges why Journalism is best suited for me. For this reason alone I cherish writing because it creates such challenging deliverance towards an outsized audience of people and expresses the message in such a way for everyone to comprehend. Thus this challenge has created my passion and enthusiasm towards Journalism.

My enthusiasm for Journalism began at the early age of six, where my prime imagination was in full throttle. While living with my grandmother she always watched the news while preparing my brother and I for school. Watching the news reporters perform very professionally, with proper grammar and great concern for our community, created such excitement in my heart that I built the determination to strive towards this particular career. Through the right guidance I will accomplish my dream and present myself as the next news reporter.

In addition, my family environment has influenced me to obtain the maturity and confidence I will need to pursue into Journalism. Both my parents have urged me to strive for greatness and always thrive to success by placing high expectations and responsibilities on my shoulders. For instance, after coming home from a hard workout from track practice I was responsible for cleaning the kitchen by a certain time frame and completing my homework before the next day with no excuses. There were numerous nights were my muscles grew excruciating cramps forcing internal pain throughout my body, however, I completed my responsibilities. Using this daily routine, my parents have taught me how to value my time under any circumstance. My family environment has produced such grand influence on me that it has allowed me to present myself to others as a leader and aim to achieve. However, more specifically, my mother is the woman I truly look up to, not only as the woman who birthed me, but also as the woman who fashioned who I am as a person.

My mother has always guided me step-by-step down the path to success and has constantly encouraged me to achieve my goals. As I have aged each year our mother-daughter relationship has developed into a well-built, firm relationship that has inspired me to pursue my dreams as she has pursued hers. I have seen tears scroll down her cheeks, angry planted inside her heart, and pain throughout her eyes, yet and still, she has not once given up on the fight, in fact, she fights harder and stronger to overcome any obstacle. Independence. That is why I look to her. From her prime illustrations she has inspired me to depend on no one but myself, work hard for the items I want, and to dream big. She motivates me to go through any trial and tribulation to accomplish all of my goals. When I see her come home from work, I hear the pain and exhaustion in her voice, her hair tied back in a ponytail, her body full of pain, then to see her refreshed the next morning going to the same place that wore her out the day before pushes me to want to perform as a hard worker. With the love and support she supplies for me I cannot thank her enough for acting as my role model and as my personal tutor.

Therefore, with the determination and eagerness in my heart I am applying to University of Central Florida because I have the independence and confidence this Journalism program will require of me. I seek no better knowledge that only this school alone can provide me with and I am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve my goal. University of Central Florida is a diverse school where anyone can gain the proper education and graduate with the career of their dreams. I hope that I am able to demonstrate my characteristics and guidance as I enter into the school as a freshman.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Aug 9, 2012   #2
the essential point across in such direct

my message acrossto my potential colleges

why Journalism is the best suitedsubject for me

expresses the message in such a way for everyone to comprehend

--->Suggestion :"it is a comprehensive way for conveying a message and it is also a strong method for bringing people with different social and cultural backgrounds closer"

Thus this challenge has createddriven/steered my passion

wherewhen my prime imagination was in full throttle

I was livingWhile living with my grandmother at that time. I remember that she always watched the news while she was preparing my brother and I for going to school

Through thea right guidance I will accomplish my dream and present myself as the nexta news reporter.
OP ariellw2013 2 / 6  
Aug 12, 2012   #3
Thank you Ahmad for the help! I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read this..! Do you still need help on your paper?
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Aug 13, 2012   #4
Do you still need help on your paper?

No, thanks Long. I took the IELTS exam about 3 moths ago and other generous people, like you, corrected my work.


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