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Being Independent, black belt - UC application prompt (for all applicants)


daikiraix 1 / 2  
Nov 26, 2010   #1
Please feel free to comment and correct my syntax, diction, and grammatical errors. Thank you very much for reading!

Being Independent

I walked in along with my father witnessing an array of colorful students, all there for the same reason. To learn Taekwondo. My heart beat quickly, my excitement grew, and my eagerness to begin manifested within me. There was just something about their confidence and strength that I admired. Many little kids although seemed harmless, were fearless in their skills. It seemed like a had shrunk in size compared to these elementary children; in martial arts it wasn't your size, but your belt that indicated your experience and age. This was something I remembered from that first day I observed the class; a few days later I was sent into class with my little sister and brother.

From that day I began to learn how to defend myself four years later and the biggest challenge I'm faced with is my third degree black belt test. Practicing was absolutely necessary for me to be able to I focused in on the target in front of me as I began to turn. Appropriately I yelled and my body reacted to Master's command, my leg released after a fierce rotation. A loud slapping sound resonated in the studio; his face was not what I expected. It was the best kick I have completed so far, but Master's face spoke otherwise. "Dashi." Again. I knew what it meant and I didn't object, he knew if it wasn't enough. Repeatedly I concentrated on the kick as if it was a math problem I couldn't understand. I knew the basics and used them to efficiently execute this move. Learning wasn't always so difficult in the past, but doing complicated and more complex things needed the simplicities of life.

When I began Taekwondo, it was an impossible goal I had set in my mind to become a third degree black belt. Only when it was time to actually assume responsibility for it did I realize that, it wasn't such a dilemma after all. From trial and error would I only be able to find the answer, the technique that was missing from an average performance. Weeks and weeks went on and the appearance and strength of my kick remained the same. I thought maybe a break from this excessive practice could resolve my issue.

Classes continued as I only came to observe the advanced class; my instructors were in their element. They practiced the routine basic steps only with far more finesse than any other students at our school. The atmosphere in this class was more coherent and serious. I kept my eyes on their powerful kicks. Master did not try to praise them, he only spoke criticisms and suggestions. For my class we received many praises, whether it was very insignificant or not; they were there. It set them on a level much higher than I could comprehend. Concentration was key; in fact it seemed like the only way to obtain results that made an impact.

I had only one more month before my black belt degree test. December began to arrive quicker than I remembered, but my testing kick wasn't refined enough to allow me to pass my exam. Impact is important too, I realized when I practiced my scissor kick further. My instructors captivated my spirit with their motivation, strength, and independence. It was then that I truly saw that having direction was beneficial, to a certain extent. Being able to accomplish things for your own, on your own is something that can be the difference in a pass and a fail.

Passing the black belt exam was one goal that I was able to accomplish after observing and learning. As I extend into the next ladder of my life I will face similar adversaries, most of which will be myself and how far I can go. I can look back on this experience as something that allowed me to build upon my independence and ability to succeed with independence.
swtlildee 5 / 19  
Nov 27, 2010   #2
Hello! I just read it over briefly, and this is what critique I have for it:

"A loud slapping sound resonated in the studio; his face was not what I expected." - this phrase is confusing. What is happening?

You seem to be a little slow in reaching the critical points in your essays. You describe the kicking and technical part of TKD a lot, but it's not as clear what you got from it. Maybe you could emphasize more how learning TKD has affected you and what you have learned from the process, because I don't see a lot of that.

Transitions are kindly hazy. I had some difficulty figuring out that you were going from younger to older/beginner to black belt. So perhaps make it clearer that you're showing a progression in time/age.

You switch around with tenses a few times, so you might want to look over that.

I hope that helps!
OP daikiraix 1 / 2  
Nov 27, 2010   #3
Thank you for reading and helping me with what I need to fix! I will certainly take those into consideration.


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