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"independent person"- family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?


ejiro 1 / -  
Dec 21, 2009   #1
This is the essay for FAMU and i would like for someone to look at it make correction if any. Thank you.
My family environment has influenced me in all aspects of my life both in and out of school. My family's culture has given me the confidence to overcome every obstacle that has been presented to me. My parents showed me how to treat others in spite of race, religion, or background. Thanks to their efforts I learned how to accept others with questioning your background. The family environment molded me into a more understanding person and helped me to perform to the best of my abilities. My dad has been a major factor to who I am today.

My dad has supported me and guided me in all of my doings. My dad has always supported me in all of my doings. He thought me how to work effectively and properly. Thanks to my dad's never ending support I have developed this drive to accomplish anything I put my hands on. During the first 9 week period of my senior year, I was suffering in my AP Physics and I wanted to drop out of the class and take an easier subject but my dad took the time to teach me the subject and make sure I understood it. Thanks to his efforts I can now say that I am doing well in physics and my grade has improved. My family environment has made into a strong, caring, and independent person.

juesewang 4 / 9  
Dec 21, 2009   #2
Is this a short answer? If this is an essay, i'd elaborate more. For example: how does your dad support you? You keep repeating my dad supports me...my dad's never ending support...and only give one example. Try to use more than just the AP Physics anectode.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Dec 24, 2009   #3
My family's culture has given me the confidence to overcome every obstacle that has been presented to me. ----> I wonder what it is about culture that gives confidence. Maybe you can back this claim up with a brief explanation?

My parents showed me how to treat others in spite of (I think it will be better to say "regardless of") race, religion, or background. Thanks to their efforts I learned how to accept others with questioning their backgrounds.

At the end, I am left wondering abot th specific ways your family made you feel confident. How about some examples?


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