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From India to the US, sharing festivals and foods - Rutgers Essay New Brunswick


mounika 1 / -  
Nov 8, 2010   #1
Required Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

I moved from Hyderabad, India to new jersey during the summer of 2007. My parents came to US in 2001. At that time i was afraid of the new environment that i stayed back with my grandparents. I came to US with my dad's friends, in the airport i saw my dad for the first time after 6 years. My dad looked very happy "O my god, you look very skin" he was surprised and i noticed that he hadn't changed at all. He still had his holy ring on and looked the same way as he is before.

I lived in India for 13 years and i never saw anyone who is not Indian. i was constantly exposed to one community of people. My first day of school in Edison high school is quite tough. I realized that everything is different from India. Going to one class to another, lockers, new teachers, cafeteria, gym etc.. everything was different. i was amused by the diversity of people in my ESL class, i saw Chinese, japaneese, Indians, Spanish, Portuguese. I used be an "A" student, in my first, in my first year of high school in US, I got my first B. Athough i was upset a little it gave me courage to work hard.

By attending Rutgers University, i will be able to share my cultures with others. As i grew up in a very traditional Indian family i will be able to attribute to already diverse Rutgers community. I will be able to share festivals and foods with friends from different cultures and continue to learn other cultures

Rutgers community not only benefit me, but many who seek to be in a group of different cultural, who want to see the whole world right in one college.Knowing other cultures will be able to give aid to my studies.With wide range of clubs and activities, i will be able to contribute the college.
amanda8a - / 1  
Nov 8, 2010   #2
Hi Mounika.

I really enjoyed your essay. It paints a picture of how you felt when you arrived. It is very interesting to know your back round. There are a few spelling mistakies: I capitalized, skinny, different cultures instead of different cultural. I like the title "From India to the US" better. Good luck!

Amanda
Seniorgarcia 2 / 2  
Nov 9, 2010   #3
A hook would be good to entice the reader.
fix "o my god" to "oh my god"

change "i was constantly exposed to one community of people" to something like "I had never been exposed to a racially diverse community other than Indian"

"Athough i was upset a little , it gave me courage to work hard. " and chang the word "courage" to someting else like "the drive to work harder" because it doesnt really convey what i think you mean. and take out "a little"
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 18, 2010   #4
New Jersey---capitalize

skinny , not skin

My first day of school in Edison high school is was quite tough.

capitalize Japaneese

... in US the United States, I got my first B. Athough Although I was ...

With wide range of clubs and activities, I will be able to contribute my ________ and _______ to the college. (fill in the blanks with qualities you have.

:-)


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