As an Indian born and brought up in Bahrain, I have been exposed to a great amount of diversity, and
have interacted with people of all cultures, nationalities, races and religions. I have been passionate
about science, especially Math and Physics, ever since my childhood. So, as a science guy who loves
diversity in his community, the University of Chicago seems to be THE University for me.
Impressive research programs, paired with a chance to study abroad, the University of Chicago allows
me to combine my passion for science along with my love for having people from different societies in
my midst. Besides, the liberal arts curriculum at University of Chicago, as well as its Common Core,
offers wide range of academic disciplines and areas of study that would sufficiently satisfy my profound
desire for learning new things. I am sure that this school can satisfy my unique appetite for pathbreaking
research, as well as many areas of study. In addition to this, I feel that at the University of Chicago, I will
find myself in a highly intellectual community with like-minded people who will not only bring out the
best in me, but also provide me with the opportunity to add to this community with my own unique flair
and creativity.
University of Chicago's quarter system is very appealing to the learner within me. I want to make the
most of the tight schedule and let my spongy brain absorb as much as it can while participating in the
multitude of social options Hyde Park and Chicago provide. As a vocational learner, I always want to
apply what I know. In the long run, I feel that the University of Chicago will help me to discover my true
passion by providing me a cozy intellectual accommodation for the next four years, where both the
eager learner and the adventurous researcher within me will feel satisfied.
Hi there,generally you've made your point in this statement, but the details need to be polished through careful selection of words and specific explanation. Due to time limit I couldn't finish editing it but I will come back if I have time in the next two days.
As an Indian born and brought up in Bahrain, I have been exposed to a great amount of diversity, and have interacted with people of all cultures, nationalities, races and religions.(why being brought up in Bahrain makes you exposed to diversity? Interacted with people of ALL cultures sounds unreal to me)
I have been passionate about science, especially Math and Physics, ever since my childhood. So, as a science guy who loves diversity in his community, the University of Chicago seems to be THE University for me. (You are passionate about science, but what makes U of C the best choice for you? What benefit the university can provide you and help you succeed?)
diversity in his (his?) community, the University of Chicago seems to be THE University for me.
I am sure that this school can satisfy my unique appetite for pathbreaking research, as well as many areas of study. In addition to this, I feel that at the University of Chicago, I will find myself in a highly intellectual community with like-minded people who will not only bring out the best in me (I don't really understand what this sentence means. Do you mean being surrounded by like-minded people will improve your enthusiasm?) , but also provide me with the opportunity to add to this community with my own unique flair and creativity. (What is your unique flair? Be specific)
University of Chicago's quarter system is very appealing to the learner within me.( to learners like me?) I want to make the most of the tight schedule and let my spongy brain (spongy brain? maybe 'try to absorb as much as is better) absorb as much as it can while participating in the multitude of social options Hyde Park and Chicago provide. As a vocational learner(As a student with strong academic ability), I always want to apply what I know.
... to discover my true passion by providing me a cozy intellectual accommodation ...
...where both the eager learner and the adventurous researcher within me will feel satisfied.(where my potential for learning and researching can be fully realized)
Thanks for the insightful feedback. Unfortunately, there isn't much I can do about the errors now, as I have already submitted this essay to UChicago... :(
