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I indulge in every piece of the performance; NYU Supp/ What intrigues you?


Believefm 3 / 9 1  
Dec 16, 2012   #1
What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

Being a devote music fan, I have faithfully watched tons of performances on YouTube. I indulge in every piece of the performance, the captivating lights, the elaborate stage, and the penetrating screams of the crowd. Then there is the elaborate set change from song to song and the dancer's fluid movement in unison making live performances so magnificent. Although, acoustic sets to me are the best. You can hear sincerity in every note and the clarity of every guitar strum. In my opinion, there is nothing more intriguing than how music can affect people map out their lives and express universal feelings. Music becomes a form of communication and when you watch a performer perform you almost feel like they have just shared a piece of themselves and their story. When an artist pours out their emotions into song music becomes powerful and it affects everyone listening. Great music and great entertainers shape their generation either in a positive or negative way. The reason this is all significant to me because music has inspired me. Music has the ability to captivate me and also had helped me believe in myself and that anything possible. All it takes is one person sharing a message through music to change lives.
OP Believefm 3 / 9 1  
Dec 16, 2012   #2
I need any advice grammar content or anything else you want to add. Thanks
awakemysoul 3 / 8 1  
Dec 19, 2012   #3
"Being a devoted* music fan"
"when you watch a performer perform" sounds a little redundant, maybe try when you watch a performer sing/dance/
"When an artist pours out their emotions" should be "when an artist pours out his or her emotions" even though it sounds weird

Also, I think at the beginning you should precise what performances you are talking about in particular, because it leaves the reader sort of confused.

Totally agree about music though, great ideas!


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