I am applying to Cornell; here is my essay:
College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
I am not going to write about my struggles with mathematics (although it is a blasphemous subject). I am not going to write about my ardour for classical music. Nor, am I going to write about the avid eye I have for impressionism. Rather, I will write about one of the few passions I have in life: English. My infatuation with English began at a very early age. It was art to me- still is. The way certain people painted with words, for me, seemed unimaginable. The very essence of what I'd desired my entire elementary life was to be able to cast even the flicker of a shadow that people like Steinbeck did. And Steinbeck- he was one of my greatest influences. The pure couture of his word-painting enthralled me- I decided to become a writer as well. Of course, as I aged I realized the talent needed for such an art could not be found in my rather shallow form. I bore not the gifts of a Steinbeck, but rather those of a Meyer (I respect the woman for her creativity). I could not pour such diction onto paper and maintain my composure. It was not meant to be. My writing, however, was not bad. In fact, I would say it to have been above the ordinary. I could wheedle certain phrases quite nicely. But I had not the patience a good writer should. I thus turned my attention to literary analysis, deciding that if I could not be a famous writer, I would be a famous literary critic. I found much more of a niche in this field- my well developed reading skills aided in analyzing texts. I preferred prose, but there was also poetry- oh, poetry, the bane of my existence! I despised analyzing it; reading it, however, was beautiful. Metaphysical poetry, for example, was an art form I cared little to analyze. Despite this, I was besotted with reading it; Donne, for instance, was among my favourite poets to read-I abhorred analyzing his texts, however. Thus, I could not see myself as a literary critic if I hated analyzing poetry so much- it was crucial to study this in university, I surmised. This, coupled with the constant strain from my parents to pick a major they deemed 'profitable', pushed me to choose economics as a preferred concentration. For months, I convinced myself that this would be the perfect combination of the social aspect I enjoyed so much, and the profitability my parents spoke so highly of. Besides, I would go to law school directly after undergrad- my major wouldn't matter anymore. My writing would no longer matter. And yet, these very struggles seemed to have a profound impact on me. I am now applying to the English program at Cornell. I don't know how it will help me; what I do know is that the Creative Writing program seems unprecedented in comparison to any other programs I've looked at. Despite the fact that Cornell may only be a small part of my overall brand of learning, it will be an integral keystone to my intellectual vitality. Though English may not make me the most money in the world, it will foster my need for development of the creative sphere. I would be pleased to be accepted into the Cornell English Undergraduate program; it would be disappointing if I wasn't.
Thank you for reading my essay. Please critique it to the very best of your abilities. I shall be sure to do the same in return.
And Steinbeck- he was one of my greatest influences.<---I would remove or reword this sentence, it is awkwardly phrased.
I don't know how it will help me; <---Don't include
it would be disappointing if I wasn't<---Don't include this. It sounds almost as if you believe you are too good for Cornell.
Talk about what you can do for Cornell also. It's great that you want to go to Cornell, but how will you passion and devotion help the Cornell English department and what do you plan to do to enhance Cornell.
The way certain people painted with words, for me, seemed unimaginable.<--- I would take out certain. It's just a matter of preerence though.
It's good, but a little stuffy at times. I live in Ithaca and have meet with many of Cornell's faculty and they respond better to honest concise feelings, than veiled prose.
