Hello friends, please tell me on what should be improved regarding my essay.,
overcoming a challenge or difficulty essay
Being infected with corona does not represent the most significant possible problem because some people have been infected and recovered from this disease. Modern treatments appeared for this virus but getting infected only two months before the third grade of secondary school exams constitutes a big problem! I am a diligent student since childhood who always strives to get the highest grades possible. In the third grade of secondary school, I had a big problem: I got infected by the Coronavirus, which led to complete isolation from family and friends, and even the biggest problem was that I was prevented from going to school or meeting any teacher; therefore, how can I get high grades to join my preferred faculty, which is faculty of engineering?
How am I going to go to school and take my lessons? How will I finish the required classes before the exams come? While thinking about how I could solve these problems, I remembered I had an old tablet I bought three years ago. I brought it and made sure that it was still working. I started looking for educational lessons for what I should study. I found some YouTube channels that explain my curriculum. I was lying in bed and staying at home for 24 hours; because of my fatigue, I slept more than 12 hours daily. Nevertheless, I was studying all the remaining time of the day. I was trying every day to do my best.
I was improving, but I still had a big problem: I needed help to solve some math and physics problems and need a tiny hint for others to solve them. However, I had nobody to discuss with because of the isolation. Hence, I must find a solution; after long thinking, I wonder, shall we make a group of infected people who cannot reach out to teachers easily like me and help each other? Moreover, I have already done that. In the beginning, we were 8. I suggested that each person who is excellent in a specific material explain the challenging problems in that material to the others and be responsible for solving all members' questions about it. This system worked so well.
We were still doing this until the exams, and we were already succeeding! I went to the examination location and did all the exams so well. After one month, the results appeared. I came first in the school with 93.4% and was in the top 60th over the governorate! Furthermore, I eventually joined the Faculty of Engineering at Mansoura University. It was not easy, but it is possible to achieve anything with perseverance and determination.
In conclusion, I joined the faculty of engineering, but the most important thing is that I became a completely different person than I used to be. I learned many values from this experience. I learned how to work hard under pressure and never assume the victim role; instead, I think smartly about how to deal with this problem. Additionally, I learned how to communicate and collaborate with people from different governorates through my existence in the study group I created. I respect their attitudes, different Arabic accents, and their mentalities. I learned how effectively manage the available time to achieve outstanding achievements. That experience was a change point in my life; after that, I became more able to adapt to any new situation. I became more organized in the available time, which led to significantly excelling at the university and getting 96% in the first semester.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 In the third grade
Stop using this reference. Third grade signifies elementary school. High schoolers are 3rd year high school students, high school juniors, or variations thereof. The phrase " high school" being an important learner level identifier. You are confusing the screener with the incorrect double reference.
Furthermore, I eventually joined the Faculty of Engineering at Mansoura University.
As what? The statement makes it sound like you joined as a professor. Avoid and correct all the misstatements made in this paper. There are more than several of those.
I became more able to adapt to any new situation.
Evidenced by? There should be a clear reference point to an unrelated instance that proves this claim. It would be advisable to rephrase this so as to avoid the need to open a second presentation. Consider amplifying this claim within the same setting earlier in the development presentation.
Actually, I think you already go for a wrong way for your essay. You are talking about how you overcome the COVID 19, not how you over an experience that expresses your leadership. The program focus on finding people who are have a good leadership, a potencial leader. So maybe, talking about your hard time during COVID19 is irrelevant.
First of all, your first paragraph is really wordy and really should be rewritten. It's really confusing how you talk about how it's not the biggest problem, and suddenly jump into how you're a very diligent student and a hard worker.
"Modern treatments appeared for this virus but getting infected only two months before the third grade of secondary school exams constitutes a big problem!"
This sentence is really confusing and there's just so many unnecessary words. Instead of this, something along the lines of "Even though it may not seem like the biggest challenge, catching COVID-19 only two months before grade 11 finals created a big problem for me." makes more sense and simplifies the first couple sentences of the first paragraph.
Honestly, a lot of your essay is unnecessary (like the sleeping 12 hours, some of the questions) and takes up characters that could be used to describe the challenge and how you changed. You need to explain who you were before this challenge, then how did the challenge affect you and changed you for the better. You do explain some nice traits, sure, but how did COVID-19 help you learn how to work hard under pressure, respect others' attitudes, etc? You mention that worked with others through your study group, so go more in depth in that in the third paragraph! Did the group have a name? What was your role/material you covered? How did you personally impact others? How did the system work well?
Please use a grammar checker. Like, seriously you have some really really long run-on sentences *mainly in the first paragraph). That last sentence in the first paragraph should be split up into at least two/three different sentences.
Otherwise, the essay is fine but really needs some reworking. Try taking the claims you made in the last paragraph and expanding on them in the previous paragraphs.
Hope it helped somewhat.
