So, I picked option 4...and have been trying to think of a topic...and I did...but I had to pick two characters to best explain everything...will that be considered against the regulations or prompt? Anyway, here she is ^.^ Could you please offer any advice that you can? Also...if you're wondering why I'm so odd...just ignore it. xD Thank you for your time.
Beginning from the time of my childhood, I had always found myself under the influence of a great many characters, usually fictional. In fact, my initial point of view on myself, on humanity and on this world sprang from one of the most unusual of sources, considering that he is not even of this Earth. A Vulcan by the name of Spock would bring me to a point far greater than could ever be reached by relying upon intrinsically flawed humanity.
Spock, brilliant and collected, proved, time and again, the infallibility of his logical adherence. My admiration and aspiration reached far beyond Spock's cool logic and reserve, however. As I grew older, Vulcanism came to represent all that humanity ever could be. Truly a society to function without emotion would be a society to exist without animosity, without massacre and without avarice. Perfection could be achieved the meditation! It was perfect! Then reality dawned, this could only be achieved if we permanently alter the entirety of mankind; which, of course, would never be achieved.
My system, my methods, faulty at best, would be upheld by myself. My desire to follow an unemotional path now existed simply because I despised my own human nature. Yes, I was a bit melodramatic. But if you'll excuse this, as I was only an adolescent. At any rate, this mindset continued long after finishing the original Star Trek series. It would be until my sophomore year in high school that my realization of reality would truly be forever altered.
Still a Trekie at heart, I came across the second series, the Next Generation of Star Trek. It would be from this series that yet another fictional character would influence my disposition. I would rediscover the beauty of humanity in an android.
Admittedly, I was still a cynic and when first introduced to the show, I immediately disliked the character Data. He was an android, programed for unemotional perfection, and yet sought enlightenment in humanity; albeit, he was programmed in such a way. But come on! He was perfect just as he had been programmed. For what purpose would emotion serve him? Why would he wish to emulate an inferior life form? Why would a writer create such a character? I mean, obviously for irony, right? Well, at any rate, it was entirely illogical to me.
As the series continued, it became apparent to me that Data was no mere machine, he was a sentient being, sentient and superior being. Data was a being fully capable of logic and in spite of his superiority, he desired to be human. His actions, his words, his thoughts all derived from something I had been too stubborn to see before.
Humanity has been something I had tried to rid myself of. It was something I had scorned. In spite of all greatness surrounding me, all beauty within man I saw only our inevitable downfall. It was my inevitable downfall. This is ever apparent to me now. Within humanity is something I could never have seen, but now something I cannot ignore. Humanity is a wondrous thing because of feeling, because of imperfection. Never will I forget this.
when you say rewrite, do you mean because of the tenses?
Alrighty.
I did. ^.^ I though it was really well written, just a few minor errors.
and thank you!!
Is there anything else I can do?
I like your personal style and how you chose an unconventional character to determine how it has influenced you. If possible, will you help me with my essay? When you read it, can you talk about content and style? Thanks
Thank you. I shall help you! ^.^
Newly revised commonapp essay choice 4 Due tonight!
Okay, so I submitted an essay on hear earlier today and have since edited it. I was warned to stay at the 500 word limit..so I'm doing so no matter what...plus I've changed it a lot...but now it sounds sketchy...could someone PLEASE help o.o I'm starting to freak out. Thank you.
As a child, I often found myself questioning my humanity. Of course, I was human. But what did that mean exactly? What did that make me? What defines a human? As time passed, my questions only grew more fervent. It was about that stage in adolescence when I began seeking out a great deal of new media to supplement my curiosity. During that time, I discovered a television series by the name of Star Trek. Soon thereafter, I would discover what I believed to be my so sought-after answers.
An alien, a Vulcan by the name of Spock, seemed to offer me the closure that I needed. Relying time and again, upon an infallible logic, Spock proved a being far superior to any human. In fact, he hailed from an entire race based upon such cool logic, reserve and superiority. The ramification of such an unemotional state proved only to be positive. A society to function without emotion would be a society to exist without animosity or avarice. In essence, humanity could be perfect if only we, too, could exist in such a state. Since we were incapable, surely we were flawed creatures. Soon, I came to despise humanity in itself. Yes, a bit melodramatic, even ignorant. But if you'll excuse this, as I was only a child. At any rate, this mindset continued long after finishing the original Star Trek series and into the second series, the Next Generation of Star Trek. It would be from this that an entire new set of logic would be presented to me. I would discover humanity in an android.
Admittedly, I was still a cynic and when first introduced to the show, I immediately disliked the character Data. He was an android, programed for emotionless precision, and yet sought enlightenment within humanity; albeit, he was programmed in such a way. But come on! He was perfect just as he had been programmed. For what purpose would emotion serve him? Why would he wish to emulate an inferior life form? Why would a writer create such a character? I mean, obviously for irony, right? Well, at any rate, it was entirely illogical to me.
As the series continued, it became apparent to me that Data was hardly a machine, but a sentient being, sentient and superior. Data, an android fully capable of logic, in spite of his superiority, desired humanity and emotion. The two things I, a flawed human, had so scoffed at. Apparently, he was aware of something I had never been. In spite of all greatness surrounding me, all beauty within man I saw only our failures. This was my true downfall. Within humanity exists something I could never have seen, but now something I will never ignore. The inevitable flaws that define man prove also to be a catalyst for progress. Without feeling, without an illogical intuition, without error, we would have nothing to prove, save simple logic. It is only with humanity that we may ever dream, ever grow.
Yes, a bit melodramatic, even ignorant. But if you'll excuse this, as I was only a child.
These are both fragments and I think i would sound better as: Yes, this was a bit melodramatic, but excusable as I was still young.
programmed in such a way. But come on!
Same here: programmed in such a way, but come on!
Other than that, this is an amazing essay. I am just a little jealous.
wow O.O Hey thanks! That was a huge confidence boost ^.^
