Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
It was the summer break between my freshmen and sophomore year; I recall walking into Guitar Center - walking into a building full of audio equipment and instruments. The walls of each side were decorated with the elaborately designed bodies of many guitars, each under the distinct logo sign of their respective manufacturer. Out of all the elaborate designs and fanciful advertising, however, a single guitar caught my eye. It was there, under the Ibanez sign: the reverse-m shaped body, the crisp white finish, the maplewood neck, the elongated headstock; it was so plain, yet so elegant. There was a single black outline curved around the body of the guitar, complimenting the dominating white of the body. I had decided, this would be my first guitar to start learning on.
My friends mocked me about my interest in guitar. They joked about how I would lose interest quickly, and even made bets on how long I can go before giving up. I was not about to fulfill their prophecies though, no matter how serious or nonchalant they were. As much as they joked, however, this was not about them, however, this was about me. I wanted to learn something new, something I felt strongly about, and something that was a challenge. Learning to play the guitar was something that I chose. Even though I might have been influenced by the musicians I listen to, no one else chose it for me. I was not forced into anything, I sincerely wanted to do this. So, I began practicing.
At first, every concept seemed distant to me; even the most basic ones seemed to be just out of my reach. I trudged on, determined to master the instrument. I sat in my cubic room, practicing numerous hours day after day, working on technique, scales, chords, arpeggios, progressions, and much more. Whenever I became disgruntled with my progress, which would be quite often every day, I stopped playing and worked on my homework. More often than not, after my homework is finished, I felt the urge to try practicing again. I adapted this balance of activity as my daily routine more or less. Even as little as just two years later, my hard work is paying off. I've play with many people who have many more years of experience than me, and I can not only keep up, but I can also excel, creating melodies that they think are insane. Not only have I learned a skill that helped define who I am, it also made me realize that perseverance does indeed payoff in the long run. I know that if I approach something with the same tenacity as I did guitar, there is no obstacle slowing me down.
This essay sounds good. The idea is enough, and I think you had the right idea.
Some comments/grammar corrections below:
the reverse-m shaped body
do you mean "reversed m-shaped body"? or maybe that's a design that i'm unfamiliar with. haha
complementing the dominating white of the body
although i think "complimenting" kinda works, i think the correct word is "complementing"
how long I could go before giving up
I was not about to fulfill their prophecies though
you may be trying to be witty here, but it just sounds a little strange
As much as they joked, however, this was not about them, however, this was about me.
you probably only want to use one "however"! choose! :)
Learning to play the guitar was something that I chose. Even though I might have been influenced by the musicians I listen to, no one else chose it for me. I was not forced into anything, I sincerely wanted to do this. So, I began practicing.
this is interesting, but how is it relevant to what you were just talking about?
Whenever I became disgruntled with my progress, which would be quite often every day, I stopped playing and worked on my homework.
is this just me, or does it sound like you may be telling the admission officers that you give up easily? or maybe, you can just leave it in, so that you sound more human, if you know what i mean. C:
I have played with many people who have many more years of experience than me
So, I was wondering if you could take a look at my essay. If you could just click on my username and have a look at the thread titled "Prompt 1: What school has done to me!", I would be honored! :)
Best of luck!
