Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
I was deeply influenced to apply to Syracuse, by my 10th grade biology teacher Napoleon Knight an alumni of Syracuse University. He helped me realized the advantages and opportunities that Syracuse has to offer. I was capable of learning about the student life available at Syracuse and how Syracuse prepares students for the real world experience and show what life is really about, which few colleges actually do. Syracuse prepares their students for life through education and creating real world experiences which is a recipe for success. He helped me become conscious of the educational opportunity that was available for Syracuse students. This helps motivate students to engage in the world and be able to challenge myself mentally. Napoleon explained to me that the environment is like no other because it is filled with remarkable, hardworking and genuine people and teachers that fulfill that great learning environment that I am looking for. He showed me how Syracuse has impact his life in a positive manner and has not only allowed him to pursue a successful career, but one that he loves. I feel like Syracuse can help me achieve this goal in pursuing a successful career doing something that I love. Syracuse could help challenge and enlighten me which makes it the perfect fit for me. These qualities and characteristics pushed me to strive for a college that could benefit me in the long run and help me achieve something beautiful in life because it will help me become a big dreamer and work my way towards success and exceed expectations with help from Syracuse University.
Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
As weird as it may seem I have always dreamed of becoming like Dwayne Carter also known as Lil Wayne (a famous rapper) for numerous reason. Lil Wayne has many valuable characteristics that define success. He has amazing work ethics, never gave up on his goals in life and everything he does he works to be his greatest at, which is the perfect mentality to have. Music is his passion and has taken him places in life because it is something he loves to do and it has allowed him to express himself in a unique way, this inspires to make my life dream of working on Wall Street a reality. Syracuse vision can help me develop my passion in life which isn't the easiest thing to accomplish by exposing me to a new life, the college life. They can also help me expand my thoughts and ideas in order to express my knowledge in new beneficial ways to help me accomplish and pursue my life goals. Lil Wayne has had many negative moments in his life, but his good outweighed the bad which is what really matters in life and the thing I respect the most about him. I feel like Syracuse could keep me on a positive track in order to improve and avoid that negative path and guide me through an enlightening path straight to success. Syracuse can help me become passionate, unique and ambitious to become successful like Lil Wayne and overcome overwhelming odds. These characteristics are essential to excel in life because it sets a high standard and pushes you to strive for achievement and accomplishment. I believe that Syracuse could help me inherit some of these amazing characteristics to help me move one step closer to success by opening many educational opportunities for me. It could help me learn new skills and ideas to help me grow as an individual. This can help me progress and grow as a student but more importantly as a person and break boundaries and prepare ourselves for inclusive society which attracts me to Syracuse University.
For: Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
I'm not sure whether you want me to correct your essay on grammars or tell you my personal opinion about it...
There are some run-on sentences and commas that are not placed properly, as well as spelling mistakes, so please re-check them:
for ex.
I was deeply influenced to apply to Syracuse, by my 10th grade biology teacher Napoleon Knight, an alumni of Syracuse University.
He helped me realized the advantages
Also, give more specific examples. You say how Syracuse do this and that to influence you, but you should probably put HOW it did. For ex...
has impact his life in a positive manner (HOW) and has not only allowed him to pursue a successful career, but one that he loves. I feel like Syracuse can help me achieve this goal in pursuing a successful career doing something that I love (WHAT is your goal? What is that something you love?). Syracuse wants to know about you in this essay even if it asked why you chose it.
For: Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
Again, lack of comma's or inappropriate use of it.
...him to express himself in a unique way, this inspires <--- (Over here is a run-on sentence. Put a period or a semicolon instead of a comma)
I like the overall idea of this essay;However, only the person you strive to become shows through it (lil wayne). You need to talk about YOURSELF more. You can't assume that by explaining what Lil wayne is like, or his hopes and dreams, the college admission officers would know YOU as a person. You need to relate himself directly to you, talk about how your experience or your life relate to his.
Other than that, as long as you fix the grammars and arrangements of the sentences, I would say, it's good.
