The prompt is from the ApplyTexas webiste, it reads: "Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation."
The amount of unbiased, true information in the world is very very small, it is hard to find in the classroom, on the news or even on the internet. Since I am at a stage in life where my world will be changing faster than ever, I would like to be confident that the decisions I will make are ones not tainted with the ideology of someone else. Not only does it bother me that my thoughts may not be truly my own but the idea that the decisions others in a position of power make may be swayed by the ideology of something that was said on a bias news station or on a popular blog.
People attend school to learn proven facts such as a^2 + b^2=c^2and that the holocaust actually happened. From those facts a student is expected to make their own decisions with their own uncorrupted thoughts. But it is difficult for this to happen because even without knowing teachers and professors tie in their own views that can destroy any organic opinion a student would have had. Today it is hard to see the difference between true information and another's ideology especially when in a classroom setting. Its not the teachers fault that their opinions may slip out in class, but sometimes it is. I think that teachers that go out of their way to share their political understanding should not be in a teaching position because they could spending more time lecturing students on the subject they teach instead of forcing their opinion upon students in the class.
When a tragic thing happens in the world i find that it is almost impossible for a viewer to know what happened without a news station trying to convince the viewer that the tragedy occurred because of something the station feels needs to be changed. The shooting that happened in Aurora Colorado is an example of this. Almost every large news outlet in the country reported on the story, they stated the facts as they should but they also included their own ideas as to why it happened. The media's explanations range from video games, to gun control, to blaming the shyness the shooter had around his neighbors. Someone may have tuned to the news to learn about what happened but are also left with the ideas that the news planted in their heads.
The internet is a dangerous and beautiful thing. The world is much closer than ever before thanks to social networks such as facebook, people can see places they would never be able to see with the availability of programs such as Google Earth and thanks to companies like Google, recipes, videos, music and much more can be found online at the click of a mouse. On the other hand the internet can be used to cause damage that can often never be repaired, the fact that any person can share their two cents on the Internet can lead to false information that can mislead someone viewing the content and that person will have no idea he or she is being manipulated.
It is almost impossible to be informed on a topic without being exposed to another person's personal agenda. All major sources of information in the world, whether it be schools, news or the internet all seem to have been skewed to represent a person's ideas. This affects everyone because people who get their information from these sources are subject to believing things they would not have if they had true unbiased information not data that represents another's ideology.
thank you for taking the time to read my essay and any feedback will help.
Hello! I am going to copy/paste your essay into the text box so that I can directly edit it. I hope you don't mind!
Forewarning: I tend to seem really be-yotchy when editing, but please note that I am not naturally like that! I am just trying to see your topic from the other side, so that you can strengthen your argument and make clearer statements.
The amount of unbiased, true information in the world is very very(either put a comma in between these two words, or take one out) small, it is hard to find in the classroom, on the news or even on the internet.(This is kind of awkward, since you are a comparing a place (classroom) with the news and internet (objects, or even, ideas))Since(Change to "because") I am at a stage in life where my world will be changing faster than ever(FALSE. The world is already currently changing faster than ever. Change this to the present tense. Also, the phrase" faster than ever" is kind of cliche) , I would like to be(BE AFFIRMATIVE HERE. Don't say that you would simply like to, but that you ARE) confident that the decisions I will make are ones not tainted with the ideology of someone else(This is unnecessarily wordy. Just change it to "someone else's ideology") . Not only does it bother me that my thoughts may not be truly my own but the idea that the decisions others in a position of power make may be swayed by the ideology(you've already used this word once... change it up! Find a synonym.) of something that was said on a bias news station or on a popular blog.
People attend school to learn proven facts such as a^2 + b^2=c^2and that the holocaust actually happened. From those facts a student is expected to make their (His or her) own decisions with their own uncorrupted thoughts. But it is difficult for this to happen because even without knowing teachers and professors tie in their own views that can destroy any organic opinion a student would have had. Today (a comma here would be nice)it is hard to see the difference between true information and another's ideology especially when in a classroom setting. Its(It apostrophe s. This needs to be a contraction.) not the teachers fault that their opinions may slip out in class, but sometimes it is. I think that teachers that go out of their way to share their political understanding should not be in a teaching position because they could spending more time lecturing students on the subject they teach instead of forcing their opinion upon students in the class.
When a tragic thing happens in the world i find that it is almost impossible for a viewer to know what happened without a news station trying to convince the viewer that the tragedy occurred because of something the station feels needs to be changed.(Why is this sentence so long? I was getting winded just reading it in my head. I some parts, it starts becoming extremely repetitive.) The shooting that happened in Aurora (comma) Colorado is an example of this.(Why explain that this is an example, at the end of your sentence? Put it in front, so that the readers clearly understand why you are telling us what you are telling us.) Almost every large news outlet in the country reported on the story, they stated the facts as they should but they also included their own ideas as to why it happened. The media's explanations range from video games, to gun control, to blaming the shyness the shooter had around his neighbors. Someone may have tuned to the news to learn about what happened but are also left with the ideas that the news planted in their heads.
The internet is a dangerous and beautiful thing. The world is much closer than ever before thanks to social networks such as facebook, people can see places they would never be able to see with the availability of programs such as Google Earth and thanks to companies like Google, recipes, videos, music and much more can be found online at the click of a mouse.(WORDY. NO GOOD.)On the other hand the internet can be used to cause damage that can often never be repaired, the fact that any person can share their two cents on the Internet can lead to false information that can mislead someone viewing the content and that person will have no idea he or she is being manipulated.(It is nice that you are qualifying your statement by showing the other side, but it weakens your argument. Either qualify it but then back it up, or take it out completely...)
It is almost impossible to be informed on a topic without being exposed to another person's personal agenda. All major sources of information in the world, whether it be schools, news or the internet all seem to have been skewed to represent a person's ideas. This affects everyone because people who get their information from these sources are subject to believing things they would not have if they had true unbiased information not data that represents another's ideology.(Well... Doesn't everyone learn from school and the news and the internet? I see what you're trying to say, and it is that people should be COGNIZANT and AWARE and CAREFUL when letting themselves be exposed to these news sources. You should state that going to school and paying attention in class and watching the news is OKAY, but that one must do so with one's guard up. Yeah?)
I hope my edits helped!
