The UPenn Essay Prompt is introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences. Any revisions or suggestions?
As I look around the classroom, I notice a girl nervously staring around the room. She seems as if she wants to speak to someone, but has not taken the initiative to do so. As she sits there, she plays with her fingers. I come to the conclusion that she is lonely, so I decide to walk over and talk to her. Her facial expression immediately lights up once I start talking to her. She is not lonely anymore. I am always analyzing the situations around me to have a better understanding of my world. I will watch my surroundings and base certain judgments on my intuitive feelings. Doing so has brought me success in my personal and academic life. As I go through life in the upcoming future, I will make the best possible decisions to not only benefit myself, but others as well.
As I look around the classroom, I notice a girl nervously glancing around the room.
Her facial expression immediately lights up, once I start talking to her.
As I go through life in the upcoming future, I will make the best possible decisions to not only benefit myself, but others as well.
This is simple and to the point, good answer.
:)
When you say "Doing so has brought me success in my personal and academic life."
try adding:An example where you have been succesful in these qualtities would offer insight on who you are as a person.
I really like it otherwise:)
Could you also read my supplements for NYU?thankyouu
Strawberry78-- I just edited your Yale app essay, but in the process of my editing, it was removed or deleted. I have everything I was going to post saved, so if you post it in a new thread I can give you the help I was trying to give.
I really liked it. That perfectly makes clear your personality. good job!!
Im applying to Penn too=]
i really like it,but i dont think the scenario you give quite fits with your analytical nature. maybe you can talk more about how its analytical?
goodluck with your app!
