Personal insight questions for applying schools.

Questions:
Describe one way in which you have contributed to your community, whether in your family, the classroom, your neighborhood, etc. (200-250 words)

tutoring low-income students

Answer:
I had constantly volunteered in tutoring low-income students for 3 years since 9th grade. During those years, I see people from different social classes live a life dramatically different from mine. For approximately 9 months, I tutored a pair of kids and they were brother and sister. Every students here have sad stories and they are no exception. They lived in a single mother family and their father left them a few years ago. Mother's job was a street vendor and she values education very much. Only under extreme conditions will she ask her kids for help on work. If they did bad on the test, the mother would be angry and punish them probably because she feel her hard work didn't pay off. Wanting to let this family lives in harmony, I tried my best to explain every concept as clear as possible and scheduled learning plans for them to prepare for the exams. I would also meet them after school sometimes to answer their questions. After they proudly showed me their grades, I would feel sincerely happy for them, not because of the high grades but because their family can live in harmony.

There are so many similar or even worse examples in this society. If kids can be nurtured correctly, they would have infinitive amount of potentials to make the world better. Being a volunteer tutor reinforces my determination to contribute back to the society and help those who truly needed.

Johnny, this story has potential. It has a great beginning, engaging middle, but lacking a proper climax to the anecdote. In order for your essay to be more informative, you need to add information that is more centered around you than the students you were helping. While their story helps to explain your participation their lives, we do not see an accurate ending that portrays the effects of your tutoring upon them. For example, we need to learn if they improved as students under your tutelage. If they showed better grades, did this help to improve the way their mother treated them? Did you personally observe this? Can you really defend your belief that it was your presence in their lives as their tutor that helped to improve a small portion of their existence in their mother's world? If so, explain why you think that. With 250 words at your disposal, you should be able to revise this essay to become equally centered on the work that you do, the situation of the children, how you helped them, and what the results of your assistance was. You should also consider lengthening the concluding paragraph of your essay. It feels unfinished. As if there is more to be said but you neglected to mention it. If you can provide those information, then the essay will be highly developed and informative in the proper manner.

The story is good for the question, I should recommend you to write more about what have you learned with this experience, and what this learning will be significant for your life and for your future. What this will contribute with your actual aspirations and what you want to dedicate/study for.

Please find few grammatical errors.

Every students here have sad stories
punish them probably because she feels her hard work didn't pay off.

Hope it helps