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UC prompt 1: inspiration and reality


essentials7 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
Prompt:Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Am I totally off topic? Talking about my family too much? What do I need to focus on?

Inspiration and reality has have to have been always the pinnacle of many aspects in my life so far. Whether it has challenged me in someway or taught me a great deal in different situations. Growing up in a small but yet alive city has showed me to be utterly grateful for the fact that though nothing has been simply handed me; opportunities flowed in and out of my pathway of education and once in a life time experiences.

At such times, inspiration also stood at a distance waiting for me to not only find it but make good use of it. Living in a suburban city where I walk, meeting the same people but in apparent different faces opened my eyes to what I wanted. In terms of wanting to see the existing and harsh side of the world. The urge to see what else is out in the real world despite the advantages of living in a comfort zone for so long, not knowing what to expect. The effort to keep in mind that nothing is going to be as easy as it is now nor will it ever be later in life.

At the age of four my parents had gotten a divorce, my mother had made the decision to move back to Taiwan where she had claimed she could lead a better life. I would occasionally visit my mom in province of Taiwan, where I witnessed the cruelties and poverty that resided. Portraits of underdevelopment, scarcity, and deficiency painted all around not only terrain but in the faces. The rural landscape was covered by nothing but unfertile soil cracked by the lack of water and harsh winds. I was aware Taiwan's weather was not the most convenient nor pleasant but not once did I imagine to what extent it had affected the population there. My mother's side of the family had lost their home in the city due to a horrific fire incident that had also put many other families in life altering situation. Each time I went back to visit my mother as visitor, I was preoccupied with the excitement of returning and overwhelmed with a sense of reluctance.

As to being exposed to the different world the province of Taiwan had offer I had seen the face of reality. Due to my limited knowledge blinded me from most if not all of the hardships of the world beyond the gates of my community. From then on I had realized dramatically that there is so much more out in the expanse that I fail to see. In my short limited trips I made back to Taiwan, it had opened my eyes to the different hardships others out there are facing and has laid the foundation for how I view the world. Despite the antagonistic situation my mother's family goes through on a daily basis, somehow when I look them in the eye they have a glimpse of hope. It had really dumbfounded me whereas I could not see what could possibly paint a picture of hope in such dreadful times. It was then that I realized, it does not matter where, whom, or what someone gets the hope from but how they can bestow it along side keep the sense of reality.

I have fully accepted and understood the fact that I was raise in such a environment where I could not possibly comprehend what is fully out in the vast expanse. However, under such conditions it does not mean that I can't pursue my ambition of understanding the world I live in. I am at total peace knowing that there will always be a common ground between inspiration and reality in my life. I have and will always have the yearning desire and passion for the knowledge that is awaiting.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 25, 2009   #2
sentence 2 from intro is a hanger. its not complete?
small but yet alive
me, opportunities [because you use though, you need to continue the sentence...] this last sentence is rather strung out,. make it more concise.

"At such times, inspiration also stood at a distance waiting for me to not only find it but make good use of it." [I'm confused. what do you mean?]

"meeting the same people but in apparent different faces" what does this mean? masked people?
"In terms of wanting to see the existing and harsh side of the world."[another hanger]
[same with the next sentence. I'm not sure if you're going for a poetic effect or not.]

had gotten adivorced [this sentence doesn't flow too well]
my mother decided [use active voice even if this was a passive event]
TAIWAN IS NOT A PROVINCE >_> I PROTEST >_> lol. no offense taken :|
I occasionally visited This is weird, I copied your essay to Word to test for passive tense. It said only 3% passive sentences.
that resided there .

Portraits of underdevelopment, scarcity, and deficiency painted all around not only terrain but in the faces. < The terrain not only painted portraits of... but it also painted the peoples' faces as such. [consider this change if you like it.]

The rural landscape was covered by nothing but unfertile soil cracked by the lack of water and harsh winds. [why include this sentence? it THIS your world?]

I was aware Taiwan's weather was not the most convenient nor the most pleasant but not once did I imagine to what extent it had affected the population there. [I think you meant "not once had I imagined the extent to which it had..."

Each time I went back to visit my mother as visitor, I was preoccupied with the excitement of returning and overwhelmed with a sense of reluctance. [Why? Explaining would be a better painting of yourself]

Try rereading what you wrote, It will be easier for everyone to read and understand.

fourth paragraph's first line is somewhat informal.

"a daily basis, somehow when ..."
the sentence after this is too strung out.
who, not whom

Comments: You are quite vague about the whole painting theme. do you like to paint? if yes, say so. about family, you mention alot about how the place where your mom lives in Taiwan is poor and cracked and hopeless...what the mood of your essay shows...but that's not true about other places in taiwan...its not all backcountry... :<

about that<, the imagery is interesting, but does it show YOUR world? did you live here enough to see why/how these people live? how did this affect you(yes you sorta answered it, but restructure)

focus on your goals/aspirations...and maybe mention a bit less of your parents' divorce unless it affected you and mention how it did...

Good luck with your app!


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