Comments and criticism are always welcome! Thank you for spending your time to read this (:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
During a brief break in basketball practice, Scott Ueda was still on the court practicing his free throws disregarding his allowed time to unwind. Miss after miss, this determined twelve year old basketball player shook his head in frustration as he tried another shot. Coming from a family successful in athletics and a world of sports fanatics, I took this opportunity to instruct and to alleviate Scott's weaknesses. As assistant coach to the SOC community youth basketball group, my job was to enable the kids to achieve the next level in their performance and engender a plethora of new skills into their individual skill sets. Scott was the smallest player on the team, the one who only played in blowouts and had the least playing time. Although his own teammates may have overlooked or underestimated his abilities, I had faith that he could succeed. Looking at his situation and his continued dissatisfaction, I knew I could assist him since I have personally been in the same situation before.
I analyzed his shooting form and noticed that the ball was always veering towards the right. Furthermore, the ball was not getting enough backspin and always clanked the rim. I went up to Scott and advised him to take a step towards the left and to incorporate more wrist motion into his shot. He acknowledged my advice and prepared for his upcoming shot. Scott spun the ball a few times in his hands and bent his legs for the shot; this time there was more rotation and the ball was aligned with the rim. My eyes followed the course of the basketball and watched it softly swish through the net. He glanced back at me and had a grin so extensive that it was literally past his ears. Helping Scott make a free throw will not transform him into Michael Jordan, but it will instill a spark of confidence that has been lacking in previous games. After seeing him execute a few more free throws, I left the gymnasium knowing that I have forever changed Scott's viewpoint and attitude. The following Sunday, the opening league game was being held and I took my customary seat on the bench writing down the statistics of all the players on the team. Scott was ready to check in during the second quarter and to test out his new shooting method. As the head coach called out the plays, the point guard directed the flowing offense. Scott was wide open in the left corner and a crisp pass was bounced to him. He bent his undersized legs and kept the ball leveled with the rim. The shot had a beautiful arc and went through the rim as the crowd erupted off its seats. They had just witnessed Scott's first two points of the season. As he hustled back to play defense, he pointed towards me and had an illustrious smile on his face. This single game was just the first stepping stone into the most memorable season of his career that ultimately culminated with the most improved player award.
Having been taught by an inspirational coach myself, I know that a motivational figure is vital in a player's development. When I had "retired" from the basketball leagues, I knew that giving back to the community was the next phase. Throughout all the practices, I have preached a message that hard work and selflessness are guaranteed ways to accomplishment both on and off the court. I may not have been able to bring the championship trophy to them, but I have brought a new outlook and approach to basketball to each player. My surroundings have inspired me to become a better person and to influence others in any way possible as I will always remember when the ball left Scott's hands and fell right through the net.
Be careful with your vocab here. Words like 'plethora' and 'illustrious' don't really fit. If you don't use these words normally, they won't impress anyone. It shows that you stuck them in there to sound impressive.
Your writing is good enough without them. Don't drag your essay down with cheap thesaurus tricks. It never works.
